The Affair

It's hard when you first realize it.
The lack of presence.
That feeling that the magic is gone from the relationship.
And the knowledge that there is happiness between others where there had once been happiness at home.

I can't really blame anyone though. I was laid up in bed for freaking weeks. WEEKS.

And when I wasn't in bed, I was at school.

or coughing.

or coughing at school.

It was hard for me this spring, watching the secret smiles exchanged when no one was looking. Hearing the gasps and giggles, among other breathless noises that made my mind race. The time spent apart grew longer and longer and I found myself wondering, "how in the world is this happening to me?" and "will it ever go back to the way it was?"

I'm not sure when it started, and and I don't really have proof, but I'm pretty sure my Mojo was having an affair with another runner for the entire pre-season.

"Damn that Mojo! For breaking my heart like this!" I ranted and raved!

I crawled out of bed and got in the pool where I dragged myself through the paces. I felt like a fish out of water, only I wasn't. I was a lame swimmer with a bum leg. And Mojo doesn't have time for that. "Aint nobody got time for that".
I hit up a spin class to regain the stamina, thinking, "if I am fit, Mojo will want to come sweat with me." But it didn't work. Mojo likes the outdoors and sunshine.

Eventually I got on my bike. I struggled and cried my way through the lonely miles while the wind snatched my breath from parted lips. I finished each ride gasping and sad, mourning for my Mojo.

Mojo was clearly out running a Marathon.
Mojo had obviously headed out to a rainy Triathlon.
Mojo showed no signs of returning to me in a timely fashion.

I missed my Mojo but I wasn't going to sit at home and lament the loss. I hit the streets and searched for ways to get my Mojo back.

I saw Doctors and Dietitians and Chiropractors and Therapists ... ok, technically she was a massage therapist.  I sought the advice of coaches and coaches and coaches. And more coaches.  They all assured me, if I kept up the work, my Mojo would come back to me.

And so about a week ago I had THE BEST RIDE EVER. It was the easiest 33 miles I have ever done. It was the hardest 33 miles I have ever done. I finished feeling accomplished and spent. But I knew I could do it. I hardly dared look, but it became clear to me by about mile 20 that my mojo had returned. At least for a day.

And then on Saturday, again. Mojo was with me on the ride. Right there, where I could almost taste our shared energy! The thirty miles melted under my tires.

Today... again. My Mojo showed up at 5 this morning. We nodded to each other as I checked my tires and snapped my helmet into place. From the beginning of the ride, we were together. We laid out 16 miles before the rest of the world was awake. It was freaking brilliant.

It seems Mojo has come back to me, though I'm hardly celebrating a permanent return.

We've entered an uneasy truce. And while I'm hopeful Mojo will stick around for a few more rides, I know Mojo could leave again without a moment's notice.

~enjoy the ride~

Food Diary of the Mostly Dead

When the weird virus that got me this spring was trying to off me, what I ate was done with very little thought. I was on a HORRIBLE antibiotic that, while it cheerfully saved my life, altered the way things tasted to me. My daily eating process went like this:

some of the watermelon was
poached off this plate by a
6 yr old klingon.

“Does it taste good?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. I will eat”

Or

“Does it taste good?”

“No... then I don’t need to eat today”

Good thing that came of this: Splenda now tastes like acid to me. I have a giant pack of packets going un-used, if you live near by, holler. You’re welcome to them... Also, I now like my coffee black. Weird. I mean, I can drink it with creamer, but I can also enjoy it black.

Bad thing: I stopped eating my typical "healthy" diet with a salad a day, and didn't even realize it.

So NOW:  what am I eating? What am I avoiding?

If it comes in a package, I’m probably not eating it.

If it can spoil in 3-4 days, I’m probably eating it.

Here’s my food log for a typical day. I didn’t give up lentils... but I had to return to meat. I have completely given up milk, cheese, yogurt (~sniff~) , ice cream, etc. My dietician says this is a temporary solution, we will be tailoring the protein needs to my body.

Breakfast – 2 oz protein, 1 fruit, 1 starch

another favorite - white fish,
brown rice, greens tossed with
jalepeno infused cucumbers

2 poached eggs

½ cup cooked oatmeal (about ¾ of a serving)

½ banana

Snack – 2 oz protein, 1 fruit

2 oz Boars Head Roast Beef, or left over Chicken, etc.

1 c. watermelon

Lunch – 4 oz protein, 1 starch, 2 fats, unlimited vegs

Salad with 2 hard boiled eggs, 2 oz turkey, 1 Tbl dressing, 1/8 avocado, chopped red/green/yellow peppers, 4tbl Hummus

Snack - 2 oz protein, 1 fruit

Small Apple

1.5 Tbl Peanut Butter (*note, for many people pb is counted as a fat)

Dinner - 4 oz protein, 1 starch, 2 fats, unlimited vegs

4 oz Grilled Chicken breast*

½ c. Quinoa

Roasted summer squash mix (*olive oil used in cooking)

Cross Training Plan

I'm looking ahead at my work out schedule.

I can not wait. I can almost taste the run. The excitement bubbles in me. Under the calm surface it pops and sizzles like the carbonation of tart citrus soda. Of course, I'm not completely naive. I know it's not going to be the same for a long time. For a few weeks at least it will be flat soda, with an unpleasant taste and a definite lack of excitement.

A coach I ran into at Shamrock Half Marathon After Party told me he guessed I'd probably only lost 10-15% of my fitness, and that I'd be better off coming back than a person starting from scratch. There's some disbelief on my part there, but he is kinda "the sh*t" so I suppose I should listen to him.

My plan for today went like this:

Vacuum Living room (pretty sure that counts as a cardio warm up after pneumonia)
Side lying leg lifts 3 sets X 20 each leg
Hip Bridge Thingy (it involves a yoga ball, and holding a position) 1 @ 20 sec, 1 @ 30 sec, 1 @ 1 min
Ball Lifts 1 set X 20 each leg
Superman's 1 @ 20 sec, 1 @ 30 sec, 1 @ 1 min
Flutter kicks 2 @ 1 min

and here's why I'm cross... Plank Maximum Rep....

30 seconds front.
30 seconds left.
30 seconds right.

1:30? Seriously? with all this fecking coughing I should be so fit!

But I'm not, because all the fecking coughing strained muscles left and right, and lying around in bed for a week or more (or 3) doesn't make people strong, no matter how much coughing they do.

So, it's Back to daily Planks for GBA GF.

I'm hopeful that in a few weeks I'll have a set of lungs that allow me to run, ride and swim. If I decide to do half of what's on my revised 2013 schedule, I'm going to have to have a solid core & strong hips to help me do those things in good form.