Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Follow the Yellow brick road...

So about 6 months ago my H & I were informed that it was very likely that our 11 year old daughter was ... is.... autistic.

I felt like the worst mother ever.  Not because she was autistic.  I mean, how was I supposed to change that?  

I felt like a bad mother because I had failed to SEE it.  I had failed...

I was too selfish?, perhaps.  Too in denial?, perhaps.  Too something?, perhaps.  

Anyway, now it's done.  

The autism diagnosis is official.  We've got her in 200 different forms of Therapy designed for the autistic kiddo.

She's adjusting really well, and seems very happy now that people seem to understand her "language" a little.  I admit, I had one moment there where I thought "Oh this is going to be bad".  But, she rallied.  She was cool, chill even.  

As I would expect, I suppose....

AND she EMBRACED THIS.  She did.  She ran the AUTISM 5K with SpeeDee, her running coach.  

All of TEAM GBA Running was out in force, running with her, ahead of her, behind her, etc.  


"Like, I'm running for me, mom.  OK?"

"Yes, we are all running for you.  Including you."

"I like that."

AND I realized, after that pre-race conversation, that I am not upset anymore.  Shouldn't I be angry?  Shouldn't I be upset?  Shouldn't I be SOMETHING?  I am her mother.

And then I realized, we're all a little happier with it all, because now we know where we are... we know what language we're speaking.  

I have a map.  And a translator.  

I mean, I'm obviously NOT in KANSAS anymore, but, now that the rose colored glasses have been removed, at least I know which COLOR the bricks are under my feet...  I don't know exactly where the road goes, but I know my daughter & I are on it.  Together.


bobbi said...

I know you didn't mean it to, but this post has me in tears.


It's nice, isn't it, to finally "get" it a little. To have some more tools in your arsenal. To have some help.

You are a GBA Mama.

Lacey said...

You've dealt with this admirably. You've taken something many parents would absolutely struggle with and turned it into something she can now embrace and use for wonderful things (like the 5K Race!) You're such a supportive, loving, GBA momma!

Jen said...

This made me tear up a little. Your love for your daughte ris obvious. And you are right... you are on the road together!

You are a GBA mom, and you have a GBA daughter! Tell her I said sao too!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

Wow G! This was very moving! Everyone's path is a little different. The way you are moving forward is amazing. That conversation, amazing! The things in life that make us all stronger, amazing!

jamie@sweatyhugs said...

Add me to the list of those who are shedding tears over this post. Big hugs to you and your sweet girl.

Mustang Sally said...

Ok so this one made me cry. Not even a little. Big fat salty crocodile ones. As we say at home, good on ya.

Michelle said...

Love this post. You are equipped with a new love language. And at the end of the is all you need.

Katye said...

this one made me tear up. I am so incredibly proud of her for running for herself! that shows so very much about her. it shows she gets it. it shows shes tackling it. it shows she KNOWS SHE'S WORTH RUNNING FOR! so very very wonderful!

Stephany said...

oh that was beautiful! Your daughter (and you) ROCK!!