So about 6 months ago my H & I were informed that it was very likely that our 11 year old daughter was ... is.... autistic.
I felt like the worst mother ever. Not because she was autistic. I mean, how was I supposed to change that?
I felt like a bad mother because I had failed to SEE it. I had failed...
I was too selfish?, perhaps. Too in denial?, perhaps. Too something?, perhaps.
Anyway, now it's done.
The autism diagnosis is official. We've got her in 200 different forms of Therapy designed for the autistic kiddo.
She's adjusting really well, and seems very happy now that people seem to understand her "language" a little. I admit, I had one moment there where I thought "Oh this is going to be bad". But, she rallied. She was cool, chill even.
As I would expect, I suppose....
AND she EMBRACED THIS. She did. She ran the AUTISM 5K with SpeeDee, her running coach.
All of TEAM GBA Running was out in force, running with her, ahead of her, behind her, etc.
She ran IN HONOR OF HERSELF.
"Like, I'm running for me, mom. OK?"
"Yes, we are all running for you. Including you."
"I like that."
AND I realized, after that pre-race conversation, that I am not upset anymore. Shouldn't I be angry? Shouldn't I be upset? Shouldn't I be SOMETHING? I am her mother.
And then I realized, we're all a little happier with it all, because now we know where we are... we know what language we're speaking.
I have a map. And a translator.
I mean, I'm obviously NOT in KANSAS anymore, but, now that the rose colored glasses have been removed, at least I know which COLOR the bricks are under my feet... I don't know exactly where the road goes, but I know my daughter & I are on it. Together.