Friday, August 29, 2008

Cape Hatteras Pics and My SEXY Abs

As requested from various sources, here are the Cape Hatteras Photos from this year's vacation.  Naturally I'm only going to share the photos in which I look skinny, so, there is exactly 1 photo of me in the whole lot.  Honestly though, there was only one photo taken of me, so at least it came out.  I'm the photographer, the other members of my family are the subjects.
 I love this photo of G holding the fish he caught.  It flopped right as I snapped the shot and he was totally surprised.  It was a small fish, so we threw it back.

The Olympics left a real impression on B, so here she is doing a topless forward roll...  
I am very proud.  I can see millions of dollars of endorsements in my future... 
C also got some fishing in, and here she is on the Southern most point on Cape Hatteras Island at Sunset.  Though she failed to catch anything, she was able to enjoy the moment.  With a view like that, who could blame her?

And lastly, here is the shot of the sexy abs, as promised.

Hugh Jackman and Slummy Mummy

SDD and Slummy Mummy...  Yup, that's what I called myself.  So, you know how I said he just always sees the worst of me?   Well, once again, Hugh Jackman dropped by my house tonight.  He stopped in on his way out of my neighbors house.  At the time, I was feeding my kids dinner, cleaning the kitchen from dinner, and getting ready to leave the house to go to SPTC for the free concert.  B took a late nap today, so she really needed some kind of late activity to tire her out before bed.  

Back to the point...  my house looks like a bomb has exploded in it.  

For example, my fridge is packed with opened, half eaten left overs (from my sickness & the Take out Explosion that happened in those 2 days), and my house is just cluttered.  It doesn't make any sense at all.  I cleaned it this afternoon.  At 3 pm, house = clean.  By 6 pm house = total and utter chaos w/ leaves on the carpet, shoes all over the entrance area and the kitchen... well, I was in the middle of making and simultaneously cleaning up dinner.  Anyway, just to set the mood....  SDD kept having to talk to my kids about their behavior at the table.  It's like they know I find him handsome 

*NOTE- finding a man handsome does not make me a cheater.  Finding a man handsome who looks like Hugh Jackman makes me human at worst.  Resisting the man who looks like Hugh makes me a goddess or something  because ... I'm off track...   Aside from the fact that he point blank told me he's not into married women with 3 kids, and his interest in spending time with me & my kids is mainly that he doesn't have any friends who also have kids.   Just clearing it up- not interested in straying from my 10 year marriage, and if I was, I'm surely NOT going to tell the world about it on my blog...  It's just that I find it interesting that Hugh Jackman would want to be friends with me AFTER spending time with my chaos.  Ok, back to what I was not saying very well...  

Kids- terrible behavior- Hugh- I'm cleaning up -I open the Tupperware cupboard and.... half the Tupperware and lids fall on me.  I don't know if he noticed though, he was too busy staring at C, who had shoved her ENTIRE MEAL into her mouth at that moment & smiled.  Yea.  So, eventually I get the kids straightened out, we get ready to leave, and as any polite slightly smitten woman I said, "We're going to the free concert for a few minutes, if you and A would like to join us."  Totally innocent I promise.  

SO, he goes to get into my car to ride with us and....  There's nowhere for him to sit, the car is that cluttered.  I had lost my keys in my diaper bag the other day, and had ended up dumping the whole bag on the passenger seat.  No big deal, right?  I'll get it later...  Yea.  Definitely Slummy Mummy.  It's like one of those things... always wear clean underwear.  Always keep a clean car.  I'm sure he walks away from my car/house/person thinking to himself, "wow, there's a reason not to have 3 kids".  Anyway, it was a strange evening tonight.  We only stayed for about a half hour because B did get tired and by this point in the evening I was too embarrassed to say much.  I swear.  If anything happens to H, I'm becoming Catholic so I can become a nun, because if having a guy friend is this much stress, imagine what dating would be like?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Why old people should go to college when they're young

As many of you know, I went back to school.  As of this week I'm officially a "College Student".  I even have a piece of plastic to prove it.  I've noticed a few things about going back to school "later in life", and I'm sure I'm not the only student to return to academia after reaching the ripe OLD age of 32 who has noticed these things.  I'll get to those in a moment- here's a quick recap of my week though, so you can all appreciate how much my life can suck in one shining moment.

On Monday night SDD came over to my house.  For those of you who don't know, an SDD is a Sexy Domesticated Dad, and the one I have recently met looks enough like Hugh Jackman that the first time I saw him on my neighbor's porch I thought, "OH MY GOD, HUGH IS AT THE WRONG HOUSE!"  He's on my list (Hugh, not SDD).  After meeting him, going to BG with him, etc, I introduced him to a single friend of mine and they hit it off.  So, on Monday night he brought his daughter "A" over to watch a movie with C & G, and we all sat out on our back deck drinking.  I will admit, I was drunk, but in no way should what have happened next occurred.  At some point in the evening, toward the end of the kids movie, I suddenly felt not so good.  At all.  So, leaving H, V and SDD, I went upstairs, where I was promptly sick.  I ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor all night, vomiting, among other things.  (SDD brings out the worst in me apparently).  At 4 am I woke up with a fever and chills.   Alternating with hot flashes and I realized that this was in fact the worst hang over in my lifetime.  By 7 am I was burning up, probably one of the higher fevers I've had this year (I had the "flu" in Feb, I don't recommend it).  And it occurs to me that A) I need to stop drinking so much.  followed shortly by, B) Hangovers don't usually come with a fever. which preceded C) Oh wait, I'm supposed to babysit in 10 minutes.  So, I called K and cancelled E for the day, and went back to sleep.

(Be patient, because in a minute you're going to see what this has to do with going back to school)

At about 2pm I woke up and managed to have a cup of tea.  And at about 3pm I suddenly looked at my H and said, "Oh wait, I have to be in class in an hour.  Carp.  Mandatory meeting for Lit- must attend."  So, I had H drive me to school so I could meet my professor, buy my books, and get a sharp dose of post 9-11 college life.  After class ended I went down to get my student ID.  Oh my goddess, I am OLD.  OLD is an adjective I never would have used to describe myself as before Tuesday, but oh my...  all I'll say is at least I got my college ID when I'd been very sick for many hours.  I'm pale, dehydrated, and honestly- it's one of the best ID photos I've ever had taken.  Thankfully the camera subtracted 10 years, because I look like a 22 year old with crows feet in the picture, instead of a weathered 32 year old with worry wrinkles and bad skin.   

Then I bought my books.  (Which I only have to buy for one class, so why do I have 5 books?)  At least they were a bargain, coming in at just under $20/book.  And, I have 20 "short" papers due, 2 by next Friday, 4 major papers due over the next few months, and 32 required question/discussion assignments.  And that's for 1 class.  Oh, and I "get" to read Beowulf.  By Wednesday.  I should get the audio book and put it in my i-pod for the 1/2 marathon, ha ha.  I've read Beowulf before, too bad I failed to retain ANYTHING from it.  I am not passionate about Beowulf, no wait, that's wrong, I do have a deep feeling about it, it's just not a positive association...  

About college.  First off, I've forgotten that EVERYONE SMOKES.  I see these 20 year olds with Marlboro's hanging out of their mouths and I think, "stupid" as I pass them.  So, my thoughts going to class are basically this, "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid... am I the only one here w/o a cigarette?"  Another thing I noticed is that the kids are all bigger than I remember.  Not to harp on weight, but COME ON!  If exercise makes you thin, and you can't smoke and exercise efficiently, then how is it that these kids believe that smoking makes you thin?  Stupid.  And it's gross to sit next to all these people.  They reek.  Oh, I'm back to smoking again, sorry.  Sure, I used to smoke... when I was 20 and in college.  And I bet I looked STUPID.  And another thing- these kids can NOT PARK!  How hard is it to position a car between two white lines???  I drove my 12 year old Saturn and still I practically kissed it goodbye when I left it because I feared it would not be in the same condition when I got out of class.  I think I might be old.

So, the other class is KARATE!  It fulfills a PE requirement which the school of nursing requires.  Sure, OK, I guess I get that...  Anyway, back on track...  Karate has no books, no assignments and 1 final exam that only counts for 15% of the class.  The rest is attendance.  It meets once a week, and by the time I got to class last night, I had not eaten anything more substantial than toast and tea for going on 36 hours.  (i.o.w:  I looked skinny in my yoga pants).  Oh my, I only have one thing to say about my first impression of that class....  OLD- OH MY GODDESS I AM OLD OLD OLD!  And, I'm in better shape than every other woman (girl?) in the class.  All 5 of us.  The other 20 people are boys.  No, there are no men in the class except the teacher and his 3 assistants who are all upwards of 55+ years.  As far as Karate classes go, I have nothing to compare it to...  I've never taken a martial arts class before in my life.  It was wicked fun, and a total body workout.  Core work, balance, coordination (of which, I have NONE), and cardio- all in one.  I felt like I pretty much sucked at class, but I had a great time doing it.  AND here's the BEST part of the class...  At the end of class the 4 teachers converged on me to ask where I had done my Martial Arts training? and What form of training was it?  "Huh?  Never been to a class before, unless you count the cardio kick boxing I did once on a dare".  I have "natural talent" they said.  Have been invited to Monday night class as well as Wednesday night class if I want additional training... they believe they can advance me to Green Belt by the end of the Semester... etc etc.  Well, I politely declined, explaining that KARATE is hard on my foot and I'm recovering from an injury.  I somehow doubt I have natural KARATE ability.  I do, however, believe one thing:  Wearing a tight fitting tapered waist Stroller Strides T-shirt to Karate class will get you an invitation to free Karate lessons from a 70 year old man and his 55+ year old assistants.  How's that for an ego boost?

Saturday, August 16, 2008

You all know how much I love to hate WalMart.  Going into Walmart makes my IQ jump from the 50% percentile up to the 89%.  Just by walking through those blue doors.  I know I've crossed into the store when the Walmart Greeter attacks my children by handing them poisonous stickers, processed in China with lead ink- which they will decorate their bodies with at the earliest opportunity.  Walmart is such a simple pleasure really.  Where else can you buy a gun bag and a gallon of milk in one building?  Now, one of the best things about Wal-Mart is the cliental.  I think, much of the time, you can spot just about all walks of life in those aisles.  Today though, I found somewhere better for people watching.  Yes, BETTER than Wal-Mart.  

Let me direct your attention to the Theme Park known as Busch Gardens.  Its truly a mecca of people watchability.  You've got the "tourists", "locals", "responsible adults", "reckless teenagers", all piled into one location- where mirrors are few and far between, and fashion takes a back seat to comfort.  It is sort of a train wreck, and no matter the situation, you're bound to find yourself in the middle of the wreck at some point.  It's the one place that you're 1/2 afraid to run into someone you know because there's a likelihood that when you see them, you'll be windblown, smudged and tired.  By the end of the day everyone trudges around the park wearing the same expression of utter exhaustion layered in sunscreen while dutifully expressing in flat voices that they are "having fun."  

Naturally, I ran into 1/2 my neighborhood today.  Seriously.  All the kids (save 2) who go to our bus stop were at BG today.  Which meant I ran into them & their parents at one point or another during the day, in a completely unplanned rendezvous.  I hate that.  It's as bad as running into them at Walmart w/o makeup and a screaming infant.  Oh, wait, that was me, at BG, with a pooplosion of epic proportion, so I'm pinning down a fussing B, who's now covered in mulch- I swear it was ONLY MULCH, only to hear a rather desperate emergency potty break request from G and what do I hear, "g?  Is that you!  What a surprise."  After a .04 second survey of the situation, "are you OK?  Do you need help?"  Well yes, I'm bloody fine, OK.  I AM FINE.  I can take my kids to a theme park by myself with no help from you, thank you very much.... oh, I mean, "I'm very well, thank you for asking."  It all worked out in the end.  G was taken potty by a SDD in our party, B finally settled down and allowed a new diaper application, and the school friends, well they left most likely thinking what everyone at the Theme Park thinks...  "I'm glad I don't look like her."

Oh, and for those of you who have read SLUMMY MUMMY, I spent today with the best looking SDD ever.  Of course, in true "slummy mummy" fashion, he's now seen me covered in poop, mulch, a screaming toddler and no makeup.  I'm sure he was impressed.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

No Punch Back!

So, I'm sorry I'm going to be one of those people who brags about how cute her kid is, but that's what this blog is about, so if you don't care to read it, please skip ahead to the next blog, which is in a foreign language and features a bunch of insects on it.  Really.  "next blog".  Clicked it on accident the other day to get a nasty shock... off track, sorry...

OK, so I sometimes wonder how "random" B must think we are...  For example:  C & G have recently discovered the Punch Buggy Game.  Any car ride we take is punctuated with screaming, "Punch Buggy Black, No Punch Back".  Or silver.  Or yellow.  Or, "I don't know, its sort of a skin colored punch buggy".  So, yesterday I'm driving and suddenly out of the blue B screams (at the top of her screeching lungs), "Bliudddaaajemji nhjkdlaue!!!"  Really, I'm sorry, she's only about 21 months so it's just babble.  Shrieking-ear-piercing-cringe-as-you-steer-the-car babble.  At first I sat there thinking, WHAT was THAT?  A bee?  A request for a drink of water?  A... punch buggy...  

No, there was no punch buggy on the road.  Clearly she hasn't put it together.  What she has ascertained from our behavior is this- occasionally for no reason at all, we just shout in the car.

So, "Bluidddaissskmenji nkjdoaydsiy!" to you all, and no punching in the car.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

FINALLY- a light...

Thankfully the light I see at the end of the tunnel is actually a light, and NOT the oncoming train.

Some good news about the foot!  I went to the Dr. today, and she was THRILLED with how it has healed.  She honestly couldn't believe that it was as good as it is, and says I can begin running again in 7 - 10 days.  I'm doing some therapy on it starting today, and can wean myself out of the boot over the course of the next 4-5 days.  I can start swimming immediately (tomorrow actually) and in the absence of pain, can resume my "normal craziness" as I feel comfortable.  I am instructed to treat by booting myself as needed.  With access to the boot, I can truly rest my foot if it gets a slight strain, or even just stabilize it after long runs.  (meaning, since I'm sure the podiatrist KNOWS I'm going to do the 1/2 in some form, the following week I can wear the boot for a few days to help the foot recover w/o injury.)  

The 1/2 is NOT going to be ideal.  I know i will have to walk about 1/2 of it.  So, I'm going to run a 1/4 marathon...  On the up side, I should really be able to drop time for the Nov 1/2...  

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

It's Pouring AGAIN

As you all know, H's grandmother died... he left for MA on Tues and arrived home on Sun... WITH THE STOMACH FLU~

WHAT did I do to deserve THIS???  Seriously.  I'm a good person.  I pay my taxes, I bring meals to people when they're down, I don't lie to my vet about how often I walk my dogs...  I mean, really!!!  Why me?  Oh, I cringe when I hear that from other people, and yet this summer it seems the only thing for me to ask!

I feel like if one more thing happened I could just crumble.  ONE more thing, no matter how small and I am going to crack.  Poor B has been getting in trouble just being "herself".  I sent C off to camp today because she needed "out", and G, well, I sent him for a nap because I needed a nap!  I haven't slept since I got this cast on, which I can tell you, is NOT helping my mood.

No exercise.  No sleep.  No H.  And too much B.

Calgon, take me away!