Thursday, May 29, 2008

Training plan... part B

Ok, so now I'm recovered from my week from hell and I am going to get focused on my training plan.  I realized the other day while I was noshing on a Doritos (or is that a Dorito?) that perhaps I should look into some good running nutrition.  After all, one cannot fuel a racing machine with partially hydrogenated imitation cheese coated onto a deep fried corn chip.  Wow, put that way it's a miracle that Doritos are as tasty as they are...  I digress, as usual.  

I have a running plan for training for a 1/2 marathon.  If I do what it says, then I will be able to run for 13.1 miles in a reasonable amount of time with a minimal amount of vomit.  As I said, my goals are low.  But what about the rest of the plan?  When Lance Armstrong plans for a race, he doesn't just train his body, he also feeds it.  OK- Ok, so I'm NOT Lance, my boobs are bigger and my booty would NEVER fit on one of those bikes, but as an example it's a good analogy.  I need to feed myself as though I am a professional now that I am training for a race that exceeds "good sense".  Yea, I think that 13.1 miles is excessive, and yet, here I am... damn, digressing AGAIN.  Keep me on track here folks.  So, I'm in the market for a good "diet" for runners.  No, not diet, not the right word.  I think what I'm looking for is a list of foods that would benefit me, or maybe some nutritional rules to follow... not a code, but definitely some guidelines.  Preferably loose guidelines that include chocolate and wine, but I'm not picky... Google here I come...

Nutrition Half Marathon Training Chocolate Carbohydrates...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I should have known...

I just want to open with- I should have known better.

We celebrated the big 10 with our traditional gift giving ceremony.  Or, nearly traditional.  Sean was so excited about the gift he got me that he waited till midnight of my birthday to give it to me.  My birthday is the day before our anniversary, so it was a really sweet attempt at giving a duel gift.  We have strict rules about duel gifts, but they're waived for big ticket items.  Like the emerald/diamond earrings he gave me a few years ago.  OK, so when you're married to a tech geek, you have to ignore the hints.  Because no matter what hint he gives, you're never going to guess what he gave you.  Here was the hint.  Keeping in mind that it was our 10 year anniversary.  "I got you something really expensive that goes in a very small box, and it's a combo birthday/anniversary gift".

I'm thinking, a 10 year anniversary ring.  Perhaps an emerald set on either side of a diamond (our wedding month & my birth stone).  Or, for years I've been hinting that I'd like my engagement band reset because it sits so high, *ha ha, the diamonds are THAT BIG, that I always catch it on things.  So, I thought maybe he'd done that, since my ring was in a different jewelry box, I rarely use it, I wouldn't miss it.  I was imagining a small velvet box.

I got a new Ipod w/ a NIKE+ chip.  Wrapped in a shoe box, well, wrapped is being a bit generous.  Placed in a shoe box and taped closed.  Yes, the chip IS small, and the i-pod was expensive.  But it wasn't a legacy gift like I imagined.  I pictured myself in my old age passing my ring to C's daughter, "Your Grandfather gave this to me for our 10 year anniversary." 

I should have known better.  I married a computer geek. 

Friday, May 23, 2008

A Great Run...

Finally, I've had one of those runs where I could have kept going.  Often at the end of my run I am so spent that I want to lay down in the driveway.  Today, pushing the double stroller w/ B & LizB in tow I ran 3.9 miles in a whopping 45:35.  Yes, it sounds slow, but at least it was controlled.  I finally feel like I'm getting a good feel for pacing myself.

3.9m, 45:35, pushing the stroller w/ babies in tow.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

My International Waxing Adventure

And by international waxing adventure, I do not mean I went surfing off of the coast of South Africa.   No, for those of you who are squeamish, this is a frank and mostly true rendition of the waxing of my "hooha".

Yesterday I had the most enjoyable Brazilian waxing experience you could possibly have... which means, it sucked on many, but not all, levels.  I had asked a lot of questions before I arrived today, so I was not surprised by most of the protocol... or, at least until I had to decide (with the help of my new girlfriend, Elizabeth the esthetician) which level of discomfort - oh, I mean Brazilian I wanted.  Did I want a classic, a sensual, or a bare.  Once I had made my choice, we began the fun.  *I'll keep that to myself.  I'm sure the general information I am disclosing here will provide enough information for any of you who are considering your own adventure in wax.

Let me also point out that the salon I chose is a skin care spa.  They do this all the time and I would highly recommend "La Bella Dona" off of Forest Hill.  Even though at some point I cussed at the woman who was ripping the hair from my body with cooled wax, it was a beautiful spa and if you're going to inflict that kind of pain on yourself, you may as well be looking at pretty walls, clean sheets and a nice staff.

I would like to say this was an out of body experience because my mind is that strong and I used hypnotherapy to block everything out, or my pain threshold is that high.  It wasn't.  Oh yes, it hurt like he!! I mean get real, DO you KNOW what having hair ripped from... um, down there feels like?  Its sucks.  In a huge way.   But sadly, I was not out of my body.  Not even close.  I was trapped inside.  My Lamaze breathing technique only did for my waxing what it did for my labor, and I did ask for an epidural.  Again, I was too far along to have one- why does this keep happening to me?  Halfway through the procedure I contemplated just getting up and walking out.  But at that point Elizabeth informed we we were not doing a "ghetto wax" *for those of you waxing virgins, that's when you're only 1/2 done.  We were doing a Brazilian wax and for me to sit tight while she finished.  Holy carp.  It was a long time.

While we're here though, let me dispel some myths.  I don't care what Carrie did on sex in the city, no one gets a Brazilian and then THAT NIGHT decides to go have any kind of "relations" with anyone.  Also there is an unpleasant rumor about "frog position", well, I never experienced that, maybe other places...  *yet another reason to promote the spa I used. 

So, the verdict was that it hurt as much as childbirth and took a full 12 hours to recover fully,
but the results are amazing... which is why I have booked one for next month!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Anniversary Week

This week it is my 10th wedding anniversary, my 32nd birthday, my 2nd "international wax", and the first time that I am leaving my kids alone with a baby sitter while I go out of town w/ my H.  It's a big week.  Because I think I'll be a wreck by the end of the week, I thought it best if I focused today on the "big milestone".  Every year, excluding this one, I make a big deal out of getting the cheapest AND most creative anniversary gift I can come up with....

Years 1-5 are not really worth mentioning.  I mean, one year I got him chocolate body paint.  Don't ask me how I got from "Cotton" to "Chocolate body paint"... I don't remember, but it made sense at the time.  By our 5th anniversary I strayed from the "nonsense gift" and got him a wooden wine rack, since it was "wood anniversary".  Boring, and broken within weeks because we have children (see above note on chocolate...).  So after that, I decided to broaden my search and really stretch our gifts without stretching the budget.  Keeping in mind that the budget was $15 some years here's what I've come up with....

For a 6th anniversary the traditional gift is "iron", so I got him a "Driving Iron" (golf club). 

The 7th anniversary "traditional suggested gift" is copper, so I got him some Coppertone self tanning cream.  My H is VERY fair.  

8th anniversaries are celebrated with Bronze, so I went to a tanning salon and bought him a "spray tan" so he could have the bronze look.  It was a better plan with better results than last year's self tanning cream.  He loved it.  

For our 9th anniversary I was supposed to get him "Pottery", but I'm sorry, what kind of straight man wants pottery as a gift?  So, I started thinking.  What is made of pottery... coffee cups.  I got him a travel coffee mug with 6 refills from his favorite coffee place.  Cheesy right?  Nope, he loved it.  And guess what, ironically, he got me exactly the SAME THING!  Only I got him silver and he got me pink.  How cute are we?  I guess some of that comes back to the $15 budget, $12 for the mug and $3 for the refills.

This year is 10- Aluminum or Tin.  Well crap.  I can't think of anything.  What I really think he needs is a good stiff drink.  I mean, after all, the man has been married to me for 10 years of neurotic compulsions and OCD.  OK, ok, maybe not OCD...  I've decided to get him a "For 10 Years of Service" gift.  I'll start with an 80 year old bottle of scotch from Scotland (delivered from Scotland by a returning over seas traveler) and I plan to finish with an engraved pen that says, "For 10 Years of Service".  An 80 year old bottle of scotch could last him another 10 years, because he just doesn't drink it THAT often.  

The pen is intended as a joke, as was the mug, tan, tanning cream, etc.  I know it's not a joke that we've been married 10 years, but I think the key to staying married this long is never losing your sense of humor, and remembering that it's the years, not the gift, that are worth treasuring.  "To another 10 years...."

More on the "international wax" later this week...  

(Ran today- 3.6 miles, w/ B in tow.  First time I've attempted anything over 3.1m, I felt funk toward the end of the run.  Hoping tomorrows run is better)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Cold Sweats...

I paid for the 1/2 today.  Yes, I paid $ to run the RockNRoll 1/2.  It's official.  It's done.  It's a hundred and friggin' five dollars!!!  I'm so excited I could puke.  I might actually, I have chills right now.  Suddenly I'm nervous.  Really nervous.  

OK, I better go to bed before there's vomit.  I have to run tomorrow.  And the day after that... and the day after that....

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Must have been the skirt...

Yesterday I got my new running skirt in the mail.  It's super cute, by "", and I admit, it's got a bit of sass to it.  It definitely reflects my style as a runner.  So this morning I put it on to run my 2nd 5K race.  I thought an 11 minute mile would work well for me, given that I am new to the sport and pushing a 20 pound sail.  And I looked like I belonged out there, in my SS T-shirt and my spunky new skirt.  I certainly looked the part.  I think there's something to be said for "dressing the part".

I started my watch when I crossed the start line, about 30 seconds after the other people in the race, because there were a lot of walkers to the front of the race.  This in itself is disturbing:  why does a person line up in front of a pack of jogger strollers if they intend to walk?  Another blog post perhaps can examine that...  As I was saying, my first 1/4 mile was me pushing through the pack of people.  I'm sorry, but a bunch of losers who can't figure out how to get out of the way for a jogger stroller aren't going to stop me from my 33 minute goal.  As it turns out, when we rounded the first turn and ditched the walkers, the 5 strollers who were weaving through behind me came up to 'thank me'  for muscling through.  Of course they all left me behind at that point.  I comfort myself with the knowledge that I'm sure they've been running a long time.  So, my first 1/2 was way above "pace" because I was power passing.  After that, I fell into a rhythm. 

It was not an easy race for me.  It was hilly and I was really running above pace.  At the first mile I was at 9:35, which means I made the novice runner mistake of starting way too fast- again.  But I tried to settle in and push through.  I all out sprinted the last 1/4 mile.  I was pounding for home, partly b/c I was too out of breath to look at my watch and I thought I wasn't going to make the goal.  Mostly because two of my neighbors were out there cheering on the corner and I was showing off.  I admit, I'm vain.  We knew this already. 

I finished in 30:30 (on my watch)!  My official time will be 30:58, which is certainly respectable.  Either way, I SO kicked a**!  I'm going to have to aim big for the next one... June 7th.  :)  It must have been my new skirt that gave me the boost.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Coming OUT!!!

Oh whoa- Not what you think.  But, then again, what I'm about to say is pretty shocking, just not on the lesbian scale.  I'm coming out.  All this "freedom of running" talk is stopping now.  I'm not just running for the joy of it.  I'm running because....I'm training for a half marathon.  


I'm not doing it because I'm "beefy" and want to slim down, though that is probably as good a reason as any.  I mean, I AM beefy, and yes I want to slim down, but in all honesty, I want to prove myself.  I need to prove that I'm strong enough.  I need to prove it to myself.

I picked a race that I think would be fun.  It's in my home town, for one thing, so I thought I would have more fun running someplace familiar.  The local haunts, the bars I snuck into when I was underage, and - OMG- the first & last place I ever slapped a date across his face are ALL on the route.  I know.  How fabulous is THAT?  The next thought I had is that my hometown is FLAT.  Very very flat.  So, that's a bonus.  And, it's the Rock & Roll half marathon, which means that there's a band every so many miles, and that appeals to my ADHD.

My goals are simple.  1) finish the race in the time allowed.  2) run the whole race except when I'm walking.  3) see note 1 about finishing.  SO, that's that.  If I can't make goal 2, I have goal 1 to fall back on....  I have started the transition from short runs to longer runs, and I'm adding a 4th day to my running schedule.  Oh, and T, I was just on your blog and see that you are running the same race, so... um... I'll be pestering you with stupid questions for weeks on END starting, well... now.  :)

writers block

Well.  Hmmm.  It's been a friggin LONG day.  Loooooooonnnnnnnnng.  

My brain is as blank as the white page I am typing on....  After a day of dealing with life insurance policies, screaming babies, attempted play group, summer scheduling and husband working his midlife crisis... er, I mean his 2nd job, I am exhausted.  *don't even get me started on Life Insurance Agents- OMG, I thought that was a cliche.  No.  It's all true.  

I have nothing clever to write.  Nothing at all.  It's depressing me.  My blog is empty.  I want to post something, but have nothing amusing to report on.  I'm sure to have more "fodder" once I run my 5K on Saturday.  

Monday, May 12, 2008



So, as I'm sure you can see, my mother's day didn't end with champagne and grilled cheese after all.  It ended with a florescent B-ridge covered from forehead to chin in a bright red rash and a a dose of Benadryl.  *when I say bright red, what I'm saying is "not humanly possible to be that color".  She looked like she smeared red lipstick all over her face.  

It was instant.  Five bites of Eggplant Parm over whole wheat pasta for dinner = rosy cheeks.  Wait... are those hives spreading down your back?  My wonderful pediatrician, whom I love and will recommend 100X over to anyone with ears, says that she believes that this child has a "limit" to the amount of citric she can have in one day.  So, fresh pineapple, watermelon for breakfast, followed by apple sauce for a snack and tomato based for dinner is bad.  I just didn't think about it.  We were having a healthy day today, or 90%... not sure where grilled cheese comes into play on that scale... but still!  We ate fresh ORGANIC fruit, followed by french toast topped with cream cheese, cereal for a mid day snack, lunch was grilled cheese all melted in butter- so... ok, still, not THAT bad if you're under the age of two.  And dinner was the aforementioned toxic parm.  And H says, "Well, she's eating it, she likes it, don't take it away from her!"  Followed by, "Ok, I'll just grab her another slice of pineapple out of the fridge, we know she'll eat that."

I really don't have time for this.  I'm not a good enough mother to have a child with food allergies.  I'm a casual fly by the seat of my pants mother who makes it up as I go along.  Mother's of children with food allergies have to plan everything from sun up to sun down.  So I'm a neurotic mother with a 18-month-old-less-than-20-pound-toddler who doesn't eat anything EXCEPT the foods she's allergic to....  how did this happen?  

I'm a good person.  I pay my taxes.  I never say no to anyone, unless they're offering drugs.  I learned to SEW this year.  I made a meal for my "archenemy" when she was in need.  I strive to be a yummy mummy, not a slummy mummy.  I cleaned my bedroom recently.  Karma says I'm due for something better than, "Your child can't eat tomatoes twice in one week." 

Blah.  Better go re-dose the Benadryl.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Champagne and Grilled Cheese

Whoever writes these cheesy sappy mother's Day cards for Hallmark has obviously never had a toddler.  Motherhood is a full contact sport.  Hell, most of us at some point in our mothering day wish for shoulder pads and helmets.  (Actually, that explains a lot of the 80's styles, doesn't it?).  What is that saying, "Life isn't all Champagne and Roses?"  Well, for lunch today I am having champagne and grilled cheese, and I'm considering what a true mothers day card should say.  My centerpiece on the table while I eat is 18 month old B-ridge, who is eating off her sister's plate.  I know.  I should get her down, but somehow I feel it might ruin the moment.

A real tribute to motherhood cannot be wrapped into a tidy little white card with a purple orchid scanned onto the front.  No gentle poetry that speaks of eternal love, adoration and appreciation could possibly reflect my feelings on motherhood.  Nor could anticdotes skinned knees and soothing bedtime stories about bears and princesses.  And, as I sit here covered in tomato soup (not mine), warm buttery grilled cheese (also not mine), and watermelon kisses (, neither does the phrase, "more beautiful than ever".  I mean, seriously, what could be less beautiful than a woman in constant need of a shower?  

Nope.  If real beauty lies with in, or in strength of character, then I guess, I would be more beautiful than before when I was caught up in superficial beauty and shaved underarms.  I guess my Mother's Day card to read as follows...

"Happy Mother's Day Mom, to a woman who possesses less superficial beauty, and more iron willed determination than before I came along.  I love that you're my napkin, my 'leapfrog' learning tool, and my sweet snuggle on rainy Sunday afternoons.  I wish you were more of a leader and less of a dictator, but never the less, I will smother you in sticky toddler kisses from now until I'm 8, when it's no longer cool to give kisses at all."

Happy Mother's Day!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

C's got a girl-"CRUSH"

My daughter C has a girl crush, and I totally approve.  

This morning she met a woman who is a force of her own.  R owns a small business, Stroller Strides, and has been such a positive inspiration to me these last months.  I'm sure I have spoken of R frequently since starting SS, so I guess C must feel like she knows these fit women.  It didn't occur to me what kind of impact they would have on her impressionable young mind.  In the 5 hours since she met R, C has spoken of her at least 7 times.  I don't think she breathed on the way home from class, there was no time for that- she couldn't say enough things about R, and what R said, and how nice R is, and how R must like children because she was so nice to her.  And since we've been home, it's be the starting point of every conversation....  "Next week, at Stroller Strides, will R be there?", "R is really very pretty...", "You should give R this recipe, it's healthy....", and so on and so forth.

If C isn't going to idolize me, and let's face it- she's not, then I can't think of a better woman for my daughter to idolize.  It's a girl crush, and I'm OK with that... ").  

So, sewing 101

OK, I have a problem.  I cannot say no.  To anyone.  Last night I took my 17 year old neighbor out and taught her to drive a stick shift.  For 2 hours, until 11pm.  Why?  Because she asked and I felt sorry for her Mom who was in desperate need of some Mojito Therapy.  Then today, to my son's kindergarten teacher.  First off, I have a mini crush on her- she's 26ish, fab looking, blond, and has this rich smooth voice that floats over you like warm caramel.  Secondly, she is a wonderful woman who nurtures 20 five/six year old children in a loving environment while teaching them....  So, that said, if she asks me to do something, I can't seem to stop myself from saying yes.  And that is why I'm learning to sew this weekend.

Any sane person would just write the whole thing off & get her a gift certificate to TAPS for her Teacher Appreciation Gift.  But no, not me- "That's what you want?  OK, if you could just send me a sample, no worries, I'll make you new chair pockets."  Um, G?  You don't know how to SEW!  Did you just offer to sew TWENTY chair pockets?  Why yes indeed.  On Kentucky Derby weekend?  Yes again.  Do you HAVE a sewing machine?  Actually, no.  Are you on crack?  (don't answer that question on the internet you fool!)

Ok, I'm off to the "races" here.  Gotta go find some scissors, so I can cut this snazzy blue fabric.  I'm borrowing a machine later tonight.  Oh crap, I forgot to buy pins at the craft store.  I'm pretty sure I'm going to need pins.  And thread too.... whoops!