Worth Repeating

I had a moment today where I thanked GOD that this year was over.  I whole heartedly thought, I am so glad it’s done, I couldn’t live through another 2014.  My heart could not do it.

And then I remembered some of the greatness of the year.  And I thought, if I had to give up the bad AND the good of 2014, would it be worth it?

No.  2014 had too much goodness.

So maybe some of the things that happened in 2014 sucked.  Maybe there were more than a few days of suckage.  But when I think about them as they relate to all the minutes I spent in 2014, the sucktastic moments that happened were blinks of an eye surrounded by greatness.

There were many things, and I mean many things, that did not suck.  Not a bit.  There were hundreds of blistering hot miles run.  Old and new friends embraced.  A wonder-twin moment that brought me to my knees with gratitude.  

Yes, that moment was worth repeating.  There was more beauty in this year than I ever imagined in any year ever.  There was grace.

There were eyes rimmed in impossibly long lashes that demand revisting. There was that trail I've not not yet run down.  A hill that begs repeating.  And repeating.  Lets not forget the mountain bike that says “look at what we did!”, even as it wonders what we are capable of doing together next time.

There was that exquisite sunset in Hatteras where the sky blazed red and the sun dipped into the sea on waves of flames.  It smoldered as it sank, until the red and yellow melted to purple and blue and the inky night settled over the ocean. A million stars stretched across the sky and the Milky Way laid itself bare for me to admire.  Ghost crabs scuttled around my feet.  My children whispered, but not because they were told to be quiet. 

There were little moments too...

The pedicure that was appreciated with a compliment.

A pair of wind burned cheeks from a good bike ride.

The smile that came after the tears on a salt crusted face.

A kiss of joy and homecoming.

A lingering hug filled with “what if”.

The patient who lived another day because I worked that day.

The patient who taught me that sometimes the #bestdayever could be someone’s #lastdayever, and that’s an acceptable answer as long as you get to die on your own terms.  I fought for her terms.  I made myself proud.  She squeezed my hand, and I knew that I made her proud too.

There was the moment when I realized I was going to be OK.  That I am OK.

There were a few hundred seconds that passed as I stood on the bank of the James River in running shoes.  I was nobody.  I was everybody.  I was just another body.  There was steam floating up off my hot body.  Mist coated the river as she calmly wandered past.  She didn’t even notice the figures on the bank.  Sweat and the sun stung my eyes, but I could not look away from all the power that sedately wandered by even as I thought I would explode.  How can she be so calm when there is so much energy here?  I would repeat all those seconds.  

Except one.  

The last one came too soon.

A few days ago my son proclaimed that I am The BEST MOM EVER when I told him I was taking him to an NFL game, and the Coke Museum, and The Georgia Aquarium, and that moment, the one where I truly felt like the best mom ever, needs to be repeated again and again.

I wore a hole in two pairs of Brooks on my quest to run a personal great.  It wasn’t a best, but it was great.

I sanely and rationally tackled a marathon to see what it feels like to sanely and rationally run 26.2 miles.  I loved it.  But I want to run one on the edge of death next time to see what that feels like.  I know there’s a sweet spot of glory and misery, and I want to exist in that moment again.

I ran a 1:05 (<~ that’s one minute and 5 seconds) up 6 flights of stairs on a random shift at the hospital.  As I stood in the vestibule on the 6^th floor landing, with my heart about to explode out of my chest, gasping hospital air, I had to think that if any medical professional had happened across me in that moment they would have called a Code Blue.

And Yes, I will repeat that moment.

There is the moment, just now, when I walked the dogs in the moonlit night.  We made our way down a dark path until I stood on the edge of the glass lake.  There were house lights reflected in it, they winked at me like laughing eyes.  I could hear a peal of child’s laughter drift along the water like the stars that floated in the black.  I imagined a party with people excitedly sharing their new years resolutions and reliving the glorious past year’s celebrations.  I savored the thought of couples snuggled in on couches.  Her lips pressed close to his neck.  I smiled at the thought of children strugglinng to hold their sandy eyes open.

I laughed my own laugh at the thought of a sweet white puppy with a long waggy tail, as he stands on a lakeshore.  His ears are straining as he stares into the dark.  His nose is assaulted with a million scents and he dreams of all the glorious squirrel chasing adventures of today.  He does not know that tomorrow is a new year.  He does not care.  There is only now.

The worn tread of my used up running shoes crunched in some loose sand, and suddenly my soul felt as worn as the soles I walked upon.  And yet as tired as today made me, as worn as I am, I know that tomorrow will come at midnight, and in it will be moments worth repeating.

~ respect the distance ~ savor the run ~

Learning Curves

If Life is our Greatest Teacher... then Running in the Summer is the nasty teacher that no one EVER likes even though there is a lot of learning going on...

We ran our first 20 of the training cycle this weekend.  There were some lessons learned.

Be Impulsive & Listen to your Gut.  If you check the weather the night before and see it's going to be hotter than it's been for a few weeks, call everyone and move the run 30 minutes earlier.  I didn't do that, even though it crossed my mind the night before the run.  What a huge game changer 30 minutes would have been.  It was 74 degrees with 93% humidity at the start, and 86 degrees with 61% humidity when we finished... that's "Feels Like 90" when we finished.  No wonder I felt so craptastic.

Respect the Distance.  20 miles is a long way, even if you break it into 2 x 10 mile loops.  Even if you break them down into 2 x 5.  While breaking down the run into smaller bites is a good idea, it's important to remember that 20 miles is still 20 miles.

Stage Right.  If you're running "unsupported" staging Gatorade/Powerade/Perform/NUUN will seem like a GENIUS idea.  My take home from this run was don't forget that GU (that's G.U.) will taste better and sit better with water, and water in the middle of the country-side can be a bit hard to find.  By the end of the run my stomach was rolling.  Next 20 there will be at least 8 oz of water at every stop.

Routing is crucial.  I wasn't terribly displeased with my routes, but I would have run the two loops in reverse order if I had thought about the position of the sun when we hit mile 15.  Hot and Shady is not the same experience as Hot and NO SHADE TO BE FOUND FOR MILES.  See above note about a 30 minute earlier start time.

Routing is crucial part deux.  I routed us past a Fire Station.  That was not an accident.  I will always do that in the future.  Thankful for Henrico's finest who kindly gave us some ice water when we were nothing but hot sweaty dehydrated messes at mile 17.

Bring your Exit Buddy.  The biggest thing I can say about running 20 miles is to rally as many runners as you possibly can to form a posse.  Even if some of the runners can only join for part of the joy and some of the misery.  We started as 5 this morning, and that shared energy carried us through the run even when it was hot and we wanted to quit.  If one is having an off day, in our group there will always be someone who hangs back and nurses the person along, or loops back to pick her up, or who runs the last mile + much faster than she thought she could because she was encouraged by her peers.

Every run is a lesson, and this week I brought home a lot of 'Needs Improvement'.  That's OK.  There's always next time.

~savor the run~

I have a new BFF

Those of you who know me well will understand the significance of this... but I have a new BFF. We met at the gym today, and at first I was apprehensive.

For one thing, my current BFF, prior to 10:10 a.m. Today was, in fact, Bart Yasso from Runner's World.

He & I have been pals for years.

What's funniest about that is that at first I *jokingly* blogged about how he was my BFF cos the first night we met, I held the door for him ("I carried the watermelon"). And then our online banter became such that one day I was walking down the street in San Francisco and he called me out, by name.
And then he introduced himself to my aunt as my BFF, so at that point, I realized:
I was Bart's BFF for realz. <~ anything with a Z on the end has more street cred. i'm pretty sure.

Anyway, what happened at the gym today went down like this.

I was ~kinda~ in the ladies locker room in the middle of getting dressed when I saw my new BFF. And I wanted to walk over and all that right then, but I didn't want to walk over in a state of semi-nakedness cos ~yeah~...

#tacky.

So after I pulled on my clean workout clothes, I did approached somewhat timidly.

I meandered across the room, and cautiously stepped up to my new Pal. We exchanged some looks. I glanced around to see if anyone had noticed us together.

I cringed, expecting the ABSOLUTE WORST.

And then, I realized that this was either the BEST BFF EVER or A TOTAL LIAR.

My new BFF told me with convincing honesty that I'd lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks.

Maybe my cookie eating-beer drinking-bread consuming holidays are finally behind me.

Oh, yeah, here's a picture of my Bestie's sister. I can't share one of my ACTUAL BFF, because taking a picture of you & your new BFF in the ladies locker room at the YMCA is definitely a way to get your membership revoked.

And Then What Happened....

Richmond Marathon Race Report 2011

Slept in a hotel down town with Pixie Green the night before my race (scantily clad pillow fights aside, I slept really well...).  I woke up early and walked to the meet point.  I had connected with a runner on the SunTrust Marathon Facebook Page who needed someone to please pick up his packet.  5 emails and three weeks later, I handed him his race packet on the steps of SunTrust Bank.

I got some pre-race love from SpeeDee.  Connected with the posse.  And got a hug from Coach Black that made me feel down right warm.  At this point, I was pretty sure that TODAY WAS MY DAY. I had a goal, a back up goal, and a basket goal.

In the start corral there was snuggling, it was cozy, Jess & Jodi joined the fun, and we all saw DeNiece “off to find her group”.  It was the last time I would see DeNiece until we finished, and as she walked away I thought – go get it Denise.  Go get that BQ.

Miles 1 – 5 Karasmatic & Q, 3L & KC, & I had way too much fun talking about… well, NOT talking about Lickable Abs, Cycling, and other random sh*t.  There was hazing, razzing, and general love in the air.  I felt PERFECT.  I am certain I drank at least 8 oz. of water in the first 6 miles.  Stingers on schedule.  I felt great, and when it was time to decide on my pace for the next 6 miles, I decided to go for the UBER goal pace.  It wasn't blistering, I run 8:50's all the time.

Saw the fam in the Party Zone at 6, cruised through to the hill at 10.  We held each other in check, I refilled my empty bottle.  There was something on the edge of my mind that wondered why my joints were achy at mile 10.  I brushed it back with a positive thought about not thinking negative thoughts.

Miles 10 – 12 Blair! The KING of Pink Nation. It was GREAT to see him, he has the most epic smile – but I admitted to him, I didn’t feel quite right at this point.  I couldn’t put my finger on the “why” of it.  I dropped back into a slightly more “easy” pace around a 9.  I wasn’t looking at my watch, just running on feel.

So then what happened?  Well, I GOT A HALF MARATHON PR – 1:56:48.

After the half mats I saw Cozy & 3L for the last time and I thought to myself – go get it girls.

Around 14 I had a bad moment where the entire world spun.  This is a distance I normally find pretty easy… so… I was weirded out.  I couldn’t walk a straight line & stumbled a few times.  My head came back to me, and I started jogging.  MTT Coach Val spotted me…  “I’m dizzy”… and so we started walking together.  She was so sweet.  “I had to stop 3 times at Chicago” ~ awe, thanks Val. 

I left her, and turned for the bridge.  I think I was running again, but maybe not.  Who knows, the entire run at this point became a play of "how long can you run before the world spins?" SpeeDee jumped in with me.  I told her that I was chomping down honey stingers and drinking, but something wasn’t on track. 

And then what happened?  “GBA_GF, WHY ARE YOU WALKING?”  And T and I connected again. 

I said, “Oh good, I was waiting for you.”  We left SpeeDee, and I thought, I’m with T now, I’m invincible.

MCM found me on the course at the junk food stop. I was going to refill my hand held.  Uh, that only works if you haven’t lost the lid… so I tossed my hand held away.  Along with my white Nike visor, which, was the enemy at that point.  Not sure why I thought that, but ~ what ev.  Runners are weird.

T, to be honest, I don't remember feeling as strong as we
look right here.

T & I made the turn onto Main Street together.

Oh, and remember that time we made running a marathon look easy?  Yeah, me too.

I gave T a salt pill, and she suddenly couldn’t hang.  Hindsight:  I should have walked with her then.  But I didn’t know how long until my next dizzy spell, so I was afraid to walk when my head was OK.  A bad decision that seemed sane in the moment.

I kept plugging forward until on Main Street at an intersection somewhere near the pastel houses, the Richmond Marathon course actually spun. 

Like, a 360. 

And so when it stopped spinning I was standing on the side of the course with my hands on my knees.  I stood up took two steps, staggered, and reached out as the course spun again.  My hand connected with something metal, the rusty paint bit into my fingers, and I held on for dear life.  I was on the sidewalk, holding a street sign.  When I lifted my head a cop in the intersection pointed at me.  I waved him off and gave him a thumbs up.

I was lying, but ~ runners are weird.

After a minute, I started walking again.  And then jogging again.  Connected with Karen.  And then El.  El gave me her drink & lots of advice.

I made the turn to Boulevard, and then, out of nowhere, Wine Not Whine was with me.  I don’t know how it happened or where she came from.  She ~ shoot I’m all teary thinking back on it ~ she says, “I’m feeling a little super hero formation here…”.  And then Pants Guy joined us for a few steps (Thanks Pants Guy).  So WnW and I made our way to the Party Zone and my head spun again.  I was so happy she looked so strong and amazing as she ran off… and I thought – go get it WnW.

Then I saw H, and said, “hey, it’s not my day.  Its going to take me a while to get there from here”.  I kissed my kids, ate ½ a banana, a salt pill & took a bottle of water.  Got some love from my BFF PAULIE!  (thanks Paulie) Something made me glance back here, and T had caught up.  I waited, we did a GU exchange and T and I, with our bottle of water in hand, set out to finish this race. 

“We’ve run this 100 times.”  Stadium to the Arch.  We saw Cherine (thanks Cherine) and then Illusive at a water stop; (thanks Illusive, you were great).  Into Bellevue, through the arch  (Yeah, Blair, I saw the sign… and Coach Black, was that the Black Team’s sign tacked onto the bottom?) and I let T go… and I thought to myself, “She can still get it… I SO hope she can get it". - go get it T.

I turned my watch screen so it only showed "time of day."  See, I had another spell that stopped me in my tracks and I thought, “Your race is over.  You’re now in survival.  Stop trying to kill yourself and be smart.”    

I walked a water stop keeping strictly to the shade, ate a stinger, and walked while I waited for the spinning to stop.  I started running again at a slow jog with the hopes that I could catch Young Stephanie (who I could see in the distance).  I thought, the sooner you finish, the sooner you can go to bed. 

My head ached.  My body ached.  I was sleepy.  I could not imagine why I felt this way, but I thought, “It’s a marathon, it’s supposed to hurt.”

I saw The White Rabbit on Brook Rd… and when the white rabbit took my hand and said, “com’on you’re running” I started running, and then I ran until Lombardy, AKA, The Lombardy Wind Tunnel.

El, Young Stephane, (me in the back), and Karasmatic

I don’t know if I was walking or running when I heard my BiolaBud (I pretty much love you) with yet ANOTHER Stephanie on the course inviting me to join them.  We picked up some random runners, and ran together past the Lululemon corner!  (Cheers to you all, you really know how spectate runners).  And then we caught Young Stephanie and gathered her into the fold, and I was determined we were going finish this together.

Chronologically things are a bit blurry.  It was running punctuated by world spinning.  

I looked down Grace and saw a pair of Viking horns. I thought, “oh, I’ve really disappointed Q.”  (hey, we’re honest here on the blog).  I heard his voice all the way down the street, “I thought I’d missed someone!”  He ran back to me and fell in beside me to run with me…  “What happened?”  Not accusatory, more... curiosity.

“Well.  It wasn’t my day. I got dizzy, and walked through the dizzy parts…  I think that added a lot time to my run today.”

He looked/sounded a bit shocked.  “Well, I think it probably subtracted a lot of time from your hospital stay…” I laughed as he continued, “so yeah.  If you run through dizziness they get to scrape you off the ground.”

We chatted a minute and he left me in the capable hands of beautiful Karasmatic! Young Stephanie, Karasmatic, El & I made our way in SUPER HERO FORMATION down the street.

Southern Comfort joined us and I realized:  Today wasn’t my day, but THIS was how it was meant to be.  

I was running in with my posse, I was with 2 of my favorite coaches. We were laughing about my disastrous marathon.  We were laughing, and I can prove it.  (Photo credit to Kty J) 

 

And then what happened?  I made peace with my day at mile 26.  It wasn’t my day.  But it was a great day for a run.  And well, we all know how much I love my run.

I have a saying I came up with a few years ago…

“When something goes wrong in a marathon, it doesn't go wrong by 2 minutes.  It goes wrong by 26+ minutes.”

Well I missed my goal by 26+ minutes.

10K 55:57

Half 1:56:48

20 mile split 3:09:57

Chip Time 4:26:19

At the finish, when I connected to H, my son G was laying on the sidewalk “spectating”.  He was asleep in a sunny patch.  Turns out G was pretty sick all day.  

And late last night, after the race, I joined The Vom- Squad complete with fever, chills, & body aches.  So there’s an explanation as to why it wasn’t my day, or an excuse, however you want to look at it.

I Left My Heart in...

San Francisco?

Yeah, pretty much it was so much better than I thought it would be… the city.

Yeah, pretty much it was so much worse than I thought it would be… the race.

Yeah, it was freaking EPIC… the company.

I can’t organize my thoughts!  I’m beyond exhausted.  I landed in VA and turned around less than 24 hours later to get to MA to run the Providence RI Half Marathon this Sunday….

In the Non-runners are clueless category:

~ “All runners eat cliff bars.”  Instead of food, right?

~ “I know a great place you can run.”  A bike path along side of the freeway wouldn’t be my first choice.

~ “Are you ready to get up?  It’s almost 3:30 a.m.”  If a runner sets their alarm before a race, trust me. it’s freaking SET.  And double checked.  And there’s probably a back up alarm in the room.  Which has also been double and triple checked.

~ the above was made that much more entertaining by the dinner conversation 14 hours later … non-runner says, “G, you looked really tired this morning.  Were you tired?”  No.  Getting up 40 minutes before the alarm had no impact on my tiredness.  At all.

pre-race ~ naive has never been so cute.  or bright.  (or, in my case, short)

In the It’s Not as Hilly as you Fear category:

~ Yeah, it freaking is… don’t imagine for a minute that race has any flat after the first 3 miles.

~ If you get behind your pace before mile 3, say, almost 2 minutes behind due to major congestion at the start… forget it.  Stop fighting for the goal and pull out the camera.  My ONE regret of the weekend was not recognizing that my race was over at mile 2.

~ FYI – the last 2 miles of that race are effing BRUTAL.  T summed it up as “soul crushing”.  Yup.  That’s what it was…

~ I still got a 4 minute PR, so it could have been worse.

~ The course was BEAUTIFUL.

~ I LOVED meeting Kim, she's adorable on SO MANY LEVELS.  

Kim & T
T's worshiping Kim's awesomeness... ~ ahem.

In the Don’t go to San Fran on a diet category:

~ I loved every bite of every bit of food I found in SF.

~ The Ferry Building only sells deliciousness.

~ If you go to SF and manage to get through the Ferry Building without trying a vegan donut, or homemade scone, or what was that thing called that we randomly walked by and HAD TO BUY? … you’ve wasted a trip, you can go ahead and un-friend me on FB now… because we have nothing in common.

In the We are SO MUCH COOLER than you COULD POSSIBLY KNOW category:

~ We ran into Bart Yasso on the street on Friday, and he recognized us.

~ The next morning, we went to the Lululemon shake out run, and ran into Bart again…  he and I had a really entertaining exchange pre-run.... and T's (and now my) friends apparently stood there going, "wait, she really is Bart Yasso's BFF?  Seriously?  That's not a joke?"

~ Apparently Bart must’ve enjoyed my company, because he ran with me for most of the 3 mile run, despite my pace variations that had me alternating between leading the pack & hanging with the crowd….  Who knew?

~ But the COOLEST thing is that T & I went to San Fran as a “couple”… and ended up having friends to hang out with on Saturday morning, friends to bond with over city driving, friends to hit the expo with… yeah, right?  We're like THAT.  Friends to run with on race day.  Friends to give high fives as we passed on the out and back at the bridge.  And after all that, it was not weird that we ended up having post race brunch with about 16 amazing women.  Right?  RIGHT?

Yeah, we arrived 3000 miles from home...  to discover we have a posse wherever we go.

In the Random Thoughts About San Fran category:

~ I didn’t leave my heart in San Francisco.  I did leave my 2XL Swamp Lager Beer sweatshirt though.  I decided the mojo in that sweatshirt might not be good.

~ I thought about my friend Lion about 20 times a day in San Fran...  not sure, well, I would guess I know why... but we'll pretend I'm not sure why...  Anyway, about the time I was thinking of her, yet again, we passed Lion Street.  After that, I embraced my loneliness for Lion.

~ I walked around for an entire day in San Fran wearing an inside out 2XL Swamp Lager Beer Sweatshirt … looking quite homeless … because I wasn’t wearing a bra…  i.e. I rode the cable car without a bra.  I walked around the Ferry Building without a bra.  I went to brunch with a bunch of women without.a.bra.  I am the kind of person who sleeps in a bra, and wears 2 to run in… but it’s just how it went down.  Not freeing though, as one might think.  Chaffing though.  I may have scars to remember my weekend by.

~ T & I raced in our TEAM SPARKLE SKIRTS TRAVELING SKIRTS!  WE LOOKED ADORABLE.  But… you know… in San Fran… Sparkle skirts & tall socks are almost  too tame…

Adrenaline RULES!

I made it out to Team Adrenaline again yesterday.  I’m sorry, I don’t even know how to say it any more than 

~ it’s a freaking good high ~. 

My BFF Paulie, who is still just as cute as ever, totally kicked my amply proportioned a**. 

Paulie concocted a brutal torture session, with 16 child sized orange cones and some preprinted lines in a parking lot…  He is sadistic. 

~ I mean that in the nicest way.  Said with love ~ 

We were all pretty much wasted.  Legs shaking and head spinning, I briefly considered laying down in the dirt and taking a nap.

Or passing out.

Whichever…

One would think that given that as my condition, the class was over, right?

No.  Seriously.  No. 

Right?  

“Now that you’re tired, it’s time to run.”  Of course it’s time to run!  What else would we DO?  I mean, REALLY.  Given the choice between laying down in the dirt and running I choose laying down in the dirt running.

Actually – the truth is, the running is my favorite part.  But don’t tell anyone that, they might hate me.  

I suck at Adrenaline.  

I don’t mean that to be down on myself.  I’m just weak.  How am I going to get stronger?  Well, working through the suckage – of course.  I’m not brilliant at running, but I at least know where I STAND with that.  I know how to run hard.  It’s not pretty, but I CAN do it. 

We did 3X 1 minute hard, with 2 minute recovery between each ‘hard effort’.  It was made clear to us.  Bring it for the 1 minute. 

Ok.  I don’t know what I ran it in.  I know it was 6’s, based on the 6:14 I saw on my garmin now and again.  I couldn’t look at the garmin, and it wasn’t ON, it was just on my wrist.  Kinda wish I’d worn my HR monitor....  I think I will wear it to Adrenaline from now on.

After the second repeat I felt more than a little peaked… and by the conclusion of the third one I was glad I had skipped breakfast.

After class BFF Paulie spent a few minutes showing me & my GBA guests how to run better, with more efficiency.  I will dedicate an entire 2000 word post to his words - I promise.  I need photos first though...   Seriously though - he. freaking. rocks.  but you may have gathered that from my worshipfulness in my last Adrenaline Post?

So afterwards I was chatting with a friend of mine who does Adrenaline and I said, “Sorry you couldn’t make it… class was EPIC today.”

The response:

“Class is always epic.  2^nd rule of Adrenaline.”

And I’m thinking, this is a person who knows the GBA rules.  

Rules like, “don’t get run over” and “Don’t drown” usually rank AFTER rules that are more, um, vanity based like, “don’t forget to shave”….  We have some good rules here at GBA, what can I say?

So.  If the second rule is “Adrenaline is always EPIC”, what is the first rule of Adrenaline?

I racked my brain for a few minutes…

First rule ~ never say, “I can’t do it.”  Nah, that seems too vanilla.

First rule ~ “try not to suck”.  Nah, that seems a bit snotty.

First rule ~ “no whining”.  Nah, that seems too canned.

First rule ~ “no crying”, nah, that seems entirely unrealistic.

First rule ~ try not to be distracted by Paulie’s rippling muscles.  Yeah, well that’s probably MY number one rule.  It’s tough though… very...  Huh?  What were we talking about?  Oh, distracted by BFF Paulie's legs... abs... so.... ~ right.  focus ~  Nah, that seems a bit of a Gender Specific rule.

and before you all think it’s just me, Kc agrees....

So I asked, WHAT is RULE #1 at ADRENALINE?

“Duh, I would think that would be obvious… If you have to vom, move away from the group.”

Sure.

Makes perfect sense.

It’s like that.

So for the record - 

GBA Adrenaline rule #1 ~ move away to vom.  

rule #2 ~ always epic.