Monday, September 7, 2009

in your dreams baby...

I am an avid dreamer. I have intense dreams about everything, ranging from horse racing (which is not really a sport that I follow) all the way down to how to arrange my closet to fit the most clothes in on each shelf. I keep a little notebook on my bed side that is supposed to be where I write down the "good stuff" that comes from the dream. When I worked retail I dreamed everything from management issues like scheduling, all the way down to where do I want to put the school uniform section in the boys department. And for things like that, I would really wake up at 5:22am, and jot down my thoughts. Usually they were really coherent. Sometimes, not so much. And sometimes I would have to make sense of it later; weeks or months later.

Last year my dreams told me to be responsible for my own happiness and start believing in myself. I actually think this was Rachel P's message to me, but I had to hear it from my own head. I was also told in my dream that I should be proud of some of the things that make me weird - like my GPA and my constant promptness. If I'm not 5 minutes early, I'm late. This was TMB's message, but again, I needed to "hear" it in a dream to "hear" it clearly.

On Saturday night I was just beat. I ran long (11), came home, did errands and chores, went to a BBQ/Pool Party for a while, and dashed from there to a drive in movie with the kids, which was loads of fun and we stayed up way too late. I wouldn't have been surprised to have a crazy dream where a flock of peacocks ran across the stage during the closing act of The Crucible while I was cast in the role of Elizabeth Proctor. No, that wouldn't have shocked me a bit. They say in your dreams, you are everyone. Well, that's is so true....

My dream was of Me, sitting Myself down in a chair. And I was standing over me, basically with my hands on my hips and one eyebrow raised, shaking my head incredulously from side to side. The me in the chair had my hands folded in my lap, and I clearly knew what I was about to be lectured on... (even though, I didn't).

My lecture was brief and to the point. "You have got to stop freaking out about the marathon, stop freaking out about Chemistry, stop freaking out about your kids behavior at school, stop freaking out about 'fat', stop... " it goes on, I'll spare you the details.... and ends with, "If you keep making yourself anxious about everything under the sun, you're going to grow up to be a person you don't want to be. Take care of this anxiety before it owns you. Oh, and by the way, if you keep putting your dreams off for other people's dreams, you're going to grow up with a lot of regrets."

And then I woke up. At 5:22am. What's so odd about that, is that I can't figure out the last bit. Still, the me that needed to get that off her chest did, and the me that needed to hear it... well, at least I heard it. I'm not sure how long it will take to actually get the anxiety under control. For the moment, I've at least written down the message.

2 comments:

Zydeco375 said...

If you come up with a magic answer on the whole anxiety thing, let me know. I've decided mine comes from feeling 10 years behind everyone else in life & having no idea how to catch up... or if I even need to.

Sydney said...

Your dreams inspire me. Thanks for the reminder to slow down and not worry so much. On this the eve of kindergarten I'm freaking out and worrying about everything. Is my kid ready? Will she be okay? What if she needs me? Thanks for the reminder to slow down and not worry so much. I love that you lecture yourself in your own dreams.