Just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water...

just when I was starting to believe that I could do anything, I did something so poorly that I now don't know...  I'd finally gotten over my marathon fear.  I could now say that word Marathon without feeling dizzy, butterflies in my stomach, nauseated or, at the very least, unsettled.  I'd pretty much accomplished a couple of "short" long runs and a couple of "long" short runs and thought - "hey now!  This 16 is going to be awesome".  Um.  Not awesome.

So, on Thursday I ran my 4 miler (the last of the "short" short runs) and it didn't go so well.  I got home, stepped into the shower a sweaty tired person, stepped out of the shower a tired sick person.  Something about the steam maybe?  Anyway, I tried everything on Thursday night and Friday night to help me sleep.  To no avail.  I slept poorly, even doped with NiQuil, which leaves me with a terrible 'hangover' the next morning.  Sleeping sitting up, running low grade fever, etc takes its toll on a body.  So on Saturday night, I knew Niquil was out of the question, but I was so tired and afraid of bed.  I took a dose of  Zyrtec.  It worked to dry me out some what, I mean, I couldn't lie down all the way, but at least my face wasn't full of snot.  But, unfortunately, I think it may have dried me out all around.  On Sunday, my muscles felt dead, about 4 miles into the run.  Um, with 12 miles left, that was a wicked long run.

To add insult to injury it wasn't just raining, it was R-A-I-N-I-N-G.  We were soaked within a mile, and by mile 2 it occurred to me that it wasn't lightening.  So, what I thought was going to be 15-20 minutes of light rain was actually closer to a half hour of pretty heavy soaking rain.  Ironically my I-pod held up the entire run, until well after the sun came out... when it just croaked at mile 15.  We'll have to see if it comes back.  Right now, if I had to guess, I'd guess it's DOA.

So, as I was saying, I ran until mile 15ish, and then walk/ran the last mile in, and it was ugly.  I was shuffling.  I haven't felt that level of exhaustion since the first time I ever dehydrated myself to a dangerous level at RnRoll VB '08.  All I could think that last mile yesterday, when I couldn't even pick up my feat is, "but... I still have 10 miles left before the marathon is Over.  I couldn't make 10 miles right now if my life depended on it."

So, that fear I had put aside, has been replaced by dread.  I am dreading this race.  My half formed plans of a 4:18:00 have been completely erased.  My fully formed plans of 4:30:00 are starting to look impossible.  Even 5 hours looks like only a marginally doable time.  I feel defeated.

Dang it.  Now I have to (HAVE TO) have a good 18 miles this week or the 20, which is already scaring me a bit, is going to seem impossible.