Friday, March 9, 2012

Motive and Intent

There’s a reason I do everything.

“What is your motivation?”

I remember my high school drama teacher asking it all the time.  I learned through drama that when your character crosses stage left, it’s not because the blocking said to do it, it’s because your character was internally motivated to move away from/toward another character.

It’s true in life. 

Most of the time we don’t just ‘do’ things.  There are motivations.  I run because I love it.  I’m in nursing school because I want to work at a productive job that makes sense to me.  

I’m ‘me’ centric.  My motivations are generally driven by self satisfaction.  Exceptions are made when you factor in my Klingons.  I’ll do a lot of things to win a smile or ensure the success of a teachable moment.

I blog, in part, because I want some kind of record of ‘me’.  If something bad ever happened to me, my kids would be able to scroll back through the blog and see a glimpse of the woman I am.   Not the mom they know, but the woman inside.

The woman who isn’t afraid of pain or taking risks.  The one who recognizes that it’s OK to fully support your friends, even if it means you make a temporary fool of yourself.  A woman who believes that life is not always fun; disappointment happens, but how you handle it is far more important than an actual event.   Life is a series of choices, I try like hell to choose to be happy.

I guess this means that my blogging motivations are selfish.  Or child centered.  Regardless, I am going to continue to make choices that lend to my happiness.  Because one of the greatest lessons I can teach my children, is that you can’t be responsible for other people’s happiness. 

And you can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.   You have to do it all by yourself.  

In a lot of ways, just writing the blog has helped me to know me a little better.  I have aired grievances, cried tears, celebrated victories, and embraced my failures, all right here with my followers, and ‘you people’ who stalk, in this writing forum.  While this is a running blog, it's really so much more.  It's a potential teachable moment.  It just happens that the other lesson I teach my kids is that if you love something, you'll be good at it

I guess it might even be fair to say that I’m not blogging for “me” so much as I’m blogging for the woman inside me.


Anonymous said...

That was beautifully written! I love the idea that you have choices to make when it comes to happiness. I believe that whole-heartedly. As I have gotten older, I have come to realize more and more that I make my own happiness just in the way I interpret any given situation. I am trying to teach that to my kids as well. Show them that they can choose to be happy. I really hope they learn that at an earlier age than I did. :/

And, I don't think it's selfish or me-centered to want to do something for yourself, because I truly believe the adage that if you are not happy you cannot make others happy. Or, you have to love yourself before you can love others. Or, ... oh, you know what I mean. :)

Anyway, by making yourself happy with the blog, you are obviously making at least a couple hundred other people happy reading it, too, and that is something to be proud of.

MCM Mama said...

I heart you. Have I told you that lately?

Wonderful post. Your writing always touches me, whether it's to make me spit out my coffee laughing or bringing me to tears.

Michael said...

"And you can’t rely on someone else to make you happy." .... I truly believe that, and wish I could always have it handy in my heart during "those times".

It seems like every time I see the words "...make you happy...", I get a mental picture of someone forcing happiness on me against my will...literally MAKING me happy. And then the reality of it hits home all over again.

Happiness is a choice that each of us make every day, and in every situation, for ourselves. NO ONE can MAKE you happy, and you can't really MAKE anyone else happy. They can do things that have pleased you in the past in hopes that they can help you be happy...but it is all up to you.

Great post !

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

love love love this!

This is a wonderful way to show that "woman inside." It used to be that people wrote in diaries to help deal and record the day's events. Now we have a way to record those happenings and create the opportunity to help others by what we share. An opportunity to show our families that we are more than just the role we play in their lives.
And you clearly love blogging because you are very good at!!!

Pam said...


bobbi said...

"I guess it might even be fair to say that I’m not blogging for “me” so much as I’m blogging for the woman inside me."

And on the way, you manage to touch all of us. Love this post so much.

Char said...

Someone once told me that my blog was like therapy. They were right. If blogging makes you happy, helps you find a positive perspective, puts you in touch with like-minded people then it's a positive thing.

Mom's Home Run said...

That's beautiful. Writing for the woman in you!

Blogging is a great way to record and then see how far you've come and how much you've grown.