Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Chocolate Neuroma


Irony tastes like pure chocolate.

Not the warm gooey kind you get in the bottom of your cocoa mug.  Irony tastes like a broken chunk of Baker's chocolate.

The first taste is almost always unexpected.

And never sweet.


The other day, my Witch Dr nearly broke the Hippa rules. 

He and I were having our usual cheerful banter/conversation.  And I said, “oh, can you look at this spot on my foot, I think… well, if feels like I stepped on a rock.”  I knew right away it was going to be bad by the expression on his face at my description of the injury. 

He squeezed my foot as hard as he could, his eyes widened.  He lifted his face toward me and, with my foot still in his grasp, said, “It’s a neuroma…  You should see an Orthopedist.  This is what….  Do you know…?  I know, you're friends with… yeah.  You should reach out to him if you’re comfortable.”

Irony. 

Yes I know (dot)(dot)(dot).

and when he had his surgery in February I felt so sorry for him.  He was patient and positive, and muscled through the time of troubles related to his neuroma.   His resilience is a reason he’s one of my favorite people.  Yes, I know him.

I just wrote the word surgery on my blog.  I do not need surgery.  I have a long time and a lot of treatments to try before I could even consider surgery as an option.  Oh hell no.   I’m seeing my 2nd opinion MD tomorrow for an aggressive non-surgical plan.  I’m not sitting on the sidelines of 2012.

I’m not because I think I could go insane.

I'm going to be a patient patient and do as I'm told so that I get better ASAP.  Every day without running is like a day on the crazy train.  

The depression that comes with not running has slammed into me harder than the 4 pounds of weight I put on over Christmas.  It’s heavy and pins me to my bed when I think about going for a swim.  I lay awake at 4 a.m.  I know there’s a Rowing Machine and Pool who would both enjoy my company.  Yet I don’t get up.  I roll over and ignore the world.  Depression is painful.

Far more painful than the neuroma in my foot, which I find a little ironic.  The neuroma is all tingly and ~weird~ feeling.  Unless it’s pissed off. 

THEN it’s more painful than the depression.

12 comments:

DE Runner Girl 2 said...

Me again your lurker from DE. Ouch, the funny thing about Rehoboth Marathon is I thought I had broken my toes. Such horrible pain from mile 18 on...After the race my non medical friend diagnosed me with Morton's neuroma. She was right (former neoroma patient herself). Not running is not an option, but rest is helping. I couldn't get your email link to work... to converse. Look me up on daily mile...Angeline W, De Runner.

(Just) Trying is for Little Girls said...

Oh, G...now I must google neruoma so I understand what you are oging through. I already know what depression is :(

momof3 @ Neurosis of the Stay at Home Marathoner said...

"lurker from DE" ~ ANGELINE! I msg'd you on DM. And i'll see what's up with my e-mail link. bah, blogger is nothing but trouble.

bobbi said...

Well, shit.

All the non-running cardio in the world, while GOOD for you, doesn't seem to help, because, well, it's not RUNNING.

*sigh*

so sorry gba-gf...wishing you speeedy healing...

MCM Mama said...

Crap. That sucks.

Apparently it's too much to ask of the gods that you and I can both run pain free at the same time. Grrr...

Pam said...

I'm sorry, but this is just unacceptable. I DEMAND you get better immediately.

Neon Blonde Runner said...

I hope your neuroma disappears ASAP.....that sounds INCREDIBLY painful.

Michelle said...

I'm going to look up neuroma because hell, if you aren't running, it MUST be bad.
This sucks. Just plain sucks. But get at it girl! You can do it! Remember that great post you wrote (I think to me) about fear of self? Well, don't fear cross training! Keep your cardio up.

Meredith said...

I'm with Bobbi on this one.

I'm so sorry friend. Lump in my throat and a tear in my eye for you...

Praying for healing. Praying for you...

Julie D. said...

hey G! came to check in on you and so bummed to hear about this. Depression sucks. Not running sucks. Done both. All around not good. I know you are going to get through this with out the "S" word. If it helps at all, I'm sure I gained way more than 4 lbs. but I'm too depressed to even get on the scale about it. ;) hang in, girl. We're all behind you.

Michael said...

So sorry about the news...please keep us informed as to how things progress and praying for a non-surgical (and relatively quick) fix for this.

Michael said...

I just read here (http://foothealth.about.com/od/neuroma/a/MortonsNeuroma.htm) that one option is to inject alcohol in order to destroy the nerve chemically.

In the absence of a hypodermic needle, perhaps a shot glass would help...your bound to kill "some" nerves [wink, wink]