Thursday, October 27, 2011

~so~ freaking highschool

So I grew up.  And ended up back in highschool.

Well that's what it feels like.

Here's why.

Here I am, 35 years old.

I love the insanity of juggling the 9002 social adventures at "school".

I love that one of "The Varsity Boys" gave me a nickname.

I ~like~ totally admit, I have a crush on The Bad Boy.


 I am still surrounded by ~those girls~.

Yeah.  They're a plague.
A nasty little virus.  
They're constantly mutating. like the bat pig flu, right T?

See, there was this girl in my "click" who was always talking trash about me.  It freaking pissed me off, and yet, she continued.

Day after day, she told me I'm too slow, I'm too fat, I will never be a good student, I am unworthy, and I set lofty unattainable goals that shouldn't even be attempted.

She was always nice to me in public though.  The more people around, the more *fabulous* I was in her eyes.  God, I hated her.

And I can't tell you how many times I would look around at all my friends and be like, Man-o, if she EVER talked to my friends the way she talks to me, I would KICK.HER.ASS.  

'nuff said.

I DON'T SUCK, and the reason I don't suck is because as of late August, I stopped saying I did.  See.  I'm not ROCKSTAR at EVERYTHING I do.  I don't deserve or desire a pedestal.  But, I don't suck.

And I'm not taking it from anyone, anymore.  Not her, or anyone else.

AND THAT my friends is why I have stopped trashing myself.

Yeah.  I was THAT GIRL.

My inner voice was the girl I hated.  She was so very negative... and I kicked her a** to the curb.  I still have days where I forget.  I have days where I slip.  But for the most part, I have stopped allowing my inner demon to beat up my inner self.

I am beautiful.
I am smart.
I am funny - of that I was never in doubt.
I don't have to pretend to be awesome for anyone, I AM AWESOME.
And I can FREAKING RUN.  Like you wouldn't believe.

You know, sometimes, I'm the most insightful person I know.
And sometimes, I'm not.

But either way, I like me.

Taper Island... Day #4... and no, I'm not 
over analyzing ever single aspect of my 
life or anything, I have no idea what 
you people are talking about ...


bobbi said...

I'm glad you see what we see...freaking rock star.

(you are my running idol...did you know that? now you do...)

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

LOVE IT!! You are a Rockstar and you can RUN girl!! Cant wait until you escape Taper Island!!

Jen said...

Love you! Seriously, your my L crush.

Meredith said...

I like you too :) Funny, I've been thinking about my own confidence (or lack thereof) the last few days and how, through running, I'm finding it more and more. G, you ARE a rockstar!

carrie said...

Awesome! I also struggle with this.

Katie said...


MCM Mama said...

I *heart* you. You need to move north. Just sayin'

Jessica (Pace of Me) said...

Amen, sistah!