31 Days

I realized that I'm a glutton.

I have too many running skirts in my life.

~gasp~ is that even possible?  Yes, yes it really is possible.  My cup overfloweth with skirt.

My challenge this month is that I'm going to wear a different skirt for every day that I run.  I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking, "how is THAT possibly going to work?"

Well....

I have 23 skirts.  There are 31 days in March, of which there will be 22 run days.

At the end of March I will know which ones are my favorites, and which ones I can safely get rid of... because if nothing else, there's going to be one skirt that is completely neglected at the end of this month.

I reserve the right to wear a repeat skirt on March 31, because it's a race day, and I need to wear something that doesn't piss me off too much or something.  Though, I might just see if I can save a good skirt for that day from the get-go.

~savor the run~

one hundred push ups

Starting Today I'm on Day one, Week one of "100 push ups".

ok ok, fine....  I need to fill you in...  Without detail, I'm "fine".  I'm not going to get into what exactly is "wrong" with me.  Apparently I'm never going to be an olympian.  So, now that we've established I have limitations, let's focus instead on what I CAN do.  I will continue to train, to fight the good fight, to nap as needed, to remember that my snowflake melted, and that no matter what, my run will always be there for me.

Part of fighting the good fight is to try to build a little muscle mass.

I might be weak and bone weary tired, but at least I'll be less weak and tired.

So to clarify:  last week I started 100 push ups.

Holy carp.  On day 3 I was struggling to keep up.  So I decided that I would repeat week one.  No harm in that.  It's a self paced program.

oh... and did you know there's something called "two hundred sit ups"and "One Fifty Dips" and "Two hundred squats" and "Twenty Five Pull-ups"....  guess what I'm also starting this week?

No worries though.  I've got this...

Dips – Level 1 – initial test 20

Push-ups – Level 1 – initial test 3

Sit-ups – level 5 – initial test 71

Squats – haven’t taken the initial test just yet, I’ll get that in today.

Pull-ups – level 0…  there is no level Zero, Panda.

it already melted

They’re all different.  Every one is unique.  Constructed of endless variables.

Yeah, I could be talking about Snowflakes.

But I'm not.  I'm talking about Run.

I was speaking to a runner who's new in my life about who I am and where I'm going as a runner.  He's only met me since my slump started, and I was trying to convey to him that I'm actually GBA gf.  I used my 8K win from last fall to explain that.

And then I realized that the 8K from last fall has nothing to do with who I am today as a runner.  It was a snapshot in time.  A perfect day.  The ideal run.... and it happened so long ago that it's not a reflection of me anymore.

This lead me to the following:  It’s time for me to stop trying to find yesterday’s run.

It already melted.

It’s gone. 

I can’t repeat it. 

Each run is a unique moment.  If it happens that today’s is exquisitely shaped with symmetry and balance, well… go you.  If it happens in a race?  FREAKING GO YOU!  Most of the time we’re not that lucky to have a document of the perfect run.  

There’s no telling when or how it will appear.  It makes no sense.  Or, it makes perfect sense.  Some days are just perfect for no reason at all. 

I’ll remind myself that there’s no use in dwelling on yesterday’s perfection.  That was a measure of yesterday.  What I need to do is focus on today's running, my current week, and see what my current capabilities are instead.

So for the moment, my wisdom is to remember yesterday’s run fondly, but don’t look for it tomorrow.

It already melted.

~savor the run~

like the ____ on the cake

I had a dream last night that my car got run off the road and after the tumbling and metal crunching ceased I was suspended in the JEEP, upside down, on a snow packed grassy median.  All I could think was, “I can’t believe that jerk hit my car….” And “Oh my gah~.  H loves this JEEP so much he’s going to cry 10,000 tears.”

I woke up and looked outside to see that the snow that had been powdered sugar at bedtime, now fully coated my back deck, and happily discovered through a late night visit with my mac that my nursing school had a 2 HOUR DELAY!!!  ß said in ~like~ the big movie announcer voice.

Then I went back to sleep and dreamed about cake. 

 

Delicious cake.

Rich buttery yellow cake layered with chocolate icing (or, depending on where you’re from, frosting, though, that brings me to, don’t people say, “and that was the icing on the cake”?, not the “…frosting on the cake”?  Just thinking).

And then today in class we were talking about how giving a patient too much oxygen can kill them, and we all agreed that killing the patients is “bad” and that on the priority list of “things not to do” it’s right up there with, “don’t wreck your H’s JEEP.”  

My professor was pretty lenient and even laughed along, probably because there were only about 7 of us who braved the 2.5 inches of snow to get to school anyway.

She then went into a little lecture about how “too much is too much and not enough is not enough,” and how, “O2 like everything else in life needed to be in moderation…” and I whispered to my lab partner, “just.like.cake.”  Which was only funny because O2 is really nothing like cake, but my lab partner giggled anyway, and somehow that made class today hilarious and fun, despite the fact that nursing school is really hard... 

I'm the first to admit, probably it was one of those “you had to be there” moments… also, I maybe didn’t take my ADD meds today.

and then I just walked out the back door and started running.

There’s something about his sport. 

Lately as I've struggled, I wondered if I really loved it, or if was in love with the idea of it. 

Imagine that a few months ago you could run 26.2 miles in about 4 hours, and now you're struggling to keep yourself upright on a 1 hour exertion.  Well, that's what I live.  Is it hard to love something when you're not good at it?

But then....  

I just walked out the back door and started running.  Just like that.  I didn’t plan a route, nor did I even decide how far I would go.  I just needed to think.  I needed to reflect on some things in my life and the only way I know how to do that is to run.

There's no drama in my run.

I may be the queen of drama but there's no drama in my run.  We are just good together.  We don't have to think about flat tires, water bottles, leaky goggles or stuffy smelly gym air.  We can go in a group and vent and babble about the drama, or we can go as just a pair.

A girl and her run.

So, while I may have glanced at my watch a few times on my run, to get an idea of how far I was roaming, I did not concern myself with my pace.  I just ran.

I listened to the sound of my breath, hypnotic and strong, and savored the fact that I am able to do this.  I felt my legs start to tire, and so I pushed them to the end, but I didn’t punish them for their tiredness.

They’ve been busy this week. 

My run didn't end with a cheer leading squad, fireworks, or even a stolen kiss in a doorway.  It ended with a few lungfuls of air and a large glass of water on my back deck.  A silent celebration of completion that probably had less to do with the miles logged than it had to do with the satisfaction of sweat burning my eyes.

I admit.  There are days when I run to prove something.  And those other days when I just want to go somewhere under my own power.

But sometimes I just run, so I don't run away. 

~savor the run~

An Apology to Depression

Dear Depression,


I apologize for my false accusations.  I said that I would ignore you when you demand that I lay down in bed for a midday nap.  And I have.  I have been ignoring you like a skinny bitch ignores Red Velvet cake with homemade White Chocolate Icing.  And the exhaustion has gotten worse.


Please accept my sincerest apologies.


Regards,
gba gf

On Tuesday I crawled up my stairs and into my bed after my shower left me too tired to stand.  I napped for an hour.  After preparing dinner, I, again, needed a thirty minute rest before I could help my husband put our kids to bed.  I've been going to bed at 8:30 and getting up around 6:30 in an effort to try to shake this exhaustion.  I could fall asleep right now, typing this, because I went to the grocery store and bringing in the food has worn me down.

So when I say the tiredness has gotten "worse", what I think I mean to say is that it's now "much worse" and impacting my daily life.

In lab class we "assess" each other all the time.  It's how we practice.

On Thursday I discovered an auditory canal infection in a classmate.  On Thursday that same student looked at the membranes of my eyes and mouth, and called our professor over for an opinion.  She was quite firm with her evaluation that I need to go to the MD ASAP.

She got a little bit in my face and started asking me pointed questions about my blood counts and hct #'s and I had to finally look at her and say, "I don't know".  She seemed a bit alarmed by the fact that I am feeling and (apparently) looking "like this" and not getting my a** to the Md PRONTO.

I guess, after her lecture, I felt the same way.  Why am I being obtuse?  Only now that it's time to walk out the door, and I feel ridiculous.  I'm not sick, I'm just tired.  Too tired to stand up while I write this, but seriously, aren't all nursing-student-mother-runners tired by Friday?

I guess not quite this bad, huh?

I know it's time to stop ignoring all this.

UPDATE - Yes I went.  Md suspects 2 things, both simple and neither life threatening.  So, according to him, he really hopes its one of those two, because they're both fixable.  

I'm not a Coach

Warning:  I'm not a coach.

I tweak training plans, write plans for runners, make plans to run, share plans I've written, dissect plans written by other people, follow plans given by my coach, or don't follow them... but don't tell him that... And for the most part before I do these things I remember to preface it with:

I'm not a coach.

I freely share my thoughts on this sport, why I run the way I do, what I think contributes to my injuries, what I think I could have done to prevent them, what my treatments are that work and what treatments I feel are a waste of time, and when I'm running well and injury free, why I think I'm running well and injury free...

But I'm not a coach.

I have 20,000 opinions on cross training, which ones work best for me and how much I do them and for what duration and what I wish I could do more often and what I will never do again because of one thing or another....

But, again, I am not a coach.

This week though, I think I forgot that for a few minutes.  I wrote and shared a 10K training plan... er, or two.  Then I tweaked a marathon plan for a friend of a friend, and then shared a previously tweaked plan for another friend.  I was solicited on FB by someone I don't know, but who knows someone who met someone who knew me back in the day who was aware that this summer I stressed my hamstring muscle and wanted to know what I did for it.  I told him, but I also said, "If not better in a week, see a real MD cos what I did and what you did might be two different things."  My biggest crime though, was on Tuesday, when I palpated a muscle, fielded "how should I get through my running this week",  and then suggested my friend should visit an MD if "not better by Friday or Saturday"....

THOUGH, THAT TIME I did remind her that "I'm not a coach... this is my experience as a runner and what you are sharing is somewhat alarming."

And one day when I am a coach, I hope that I still have the conscience that I have today, that I'm humble about my opinions.  That I remember that there are always two schools of thought at least, but probably more like 20.  I hope I remember to be cautious with what I say to my friends, their friends, random facebook stalkers, and the people who call me coach.

But for the moment, whenever I say anything, let's all try to remember:  I'm not a coach.  Yet.

Top 10 Reasons....nursing school doesn't suck

10 - Each class we assess a different body system.  About 3 systems in, and I have been diagnosed with Anemia every week... "nursing diagnosis", not "Md diagnosis".   Regardless, I'm a fan of consistency.

 9 - In lab class we practice our skills on the people who are handy.  That is to say, we practice on other students.  My BP, HR and Respirations are normal and healthy... and still normal 10 minutes later... and STILL normal 10 minutes later...

 8- It's OK to get caught wearing the same outfit as your friend.

 7 - Free pass to wear White Shoes before Memorial Day.  My white shoes are HOT!  I mean that literally.  They are warm.  And thank god, too.  With all the 60 degree weather this winter, I'd hate to imagine what I would have done if my shoes weren't keeping me warm.

 6 - Am slowly rebuilding my upper body strength from all these books.

 5- No one even bothers to ask me about my eye twitch any more.

 4 - Raise your hand if you have a FOLEY CATHETER in your book bag.  Go ahead.  Annnnytime you want....  NO?  Well I cannot WAIT to whip that puppy out at a party, cos I think it's going to be the next *in* thing.

 3 - Sense of humor seems really sharp these days... or, at least my classmates seem to think so.  Either that or they're so exhausted they're punchy.
But I'm pretty sure I'm just HILARIOUS.

 2 - Nurses are SEXY.  Well, that's what she said.


 1 - A few weeks ago in my lab partners & I took turns tying each other to beds.  For real.  Did I mention that my lab parter is a 20 something year old cutie?

RULE BREAKING

Today I broke my own rules.

 

My rules for racing are typically something along the lines of, “I would rather have a DNS than a PU”.  That is, I don’t typically like to run a race.  I like to race a race. 

And yet, at 8:19 this morning I found myself squished into a sexy JEEP Wrangler with 11 other runners waiting for the 8:30 start of an 8K I had no intention of racing.  We were parked.  

I went parking with my run and 11 other people…. I may be off topic. 

All I’m going to say is ~runners are weird~ and hot, or warm, whichever you prefer…  ‘Cause after we got out of the JEEP we snuggled in a giant group hug at the start line, and despite the 9 degree wind chill, I wasn’t too cold. 

I’m not trying to say anything here, but I… maybe…  enjoyed the hugging.  Yeah.  May.be.

My personal goals today were something like, “let the pack leave me in the first mile”, “Don’t vom”, and “Try not to suck” all at the same time.

Goals were accomplished.  My A10K “coach” J1of2 decided to hang with me… god knows why.  The air was cold, I am still a little out of shape, and I sounded like a 2pack/day smoker climbing the first hill.  “What can I say, I’m a heavy breather….”.

Damn, that was still hard.

Despite the fact that I was trying to take it "easy", I felt that I struggled through most of the race. 

WTF? 

But with J1of2, at my side, I did manage to run along at a respectable if not blistering pace.  RightFoot checked out at mile 3ish.  Not sure what THAT was about.  By the end of the race it was numb from about mid-foot to the toes.  It’s distracting when your foot aches with every step… it makes it hard to concentrate on things like form, cadence, pace and giggling. 

GBA gf, WnW, J1of2, KC, 3L, DeNiece, J2of2, Kristi

Um. 

Anyone who ever runs with JX2 knows what I’m talking about.  There is going to be giggling and banter.  And lots of it.

Sweetheart 8K, 42:19ish.

Every thing is GREAT here on Fantasy Island as long as you don’t leave. Also the flowers appear to be plastic.

I’ve been scrambling the last few weeks.  Nothing even feels real.  It’s like one day I woke up and discovered I was in The Twilight Zone, and by that I don’t mean Edward the Vampire and an underage goofy looking half nekkid werewolf were knocking on my door because I’m the socially awkward new girl.

I’m the socially awkward anemic runner.  

Vampires don’t even give me the time of day.

As long as I don't look too closely at anything, EVERYTHING is fine.  We're ALL FINE HERE.  But in all honesty...  the weirdness is peaking through in a few spots that are impossible to overlook.

AND Part of the weirdness is the randomness.

Randomness abounds at Chez Moi. 

I have a project due tomorrow, the usual scheduling mania that comes with 3 kids, a sometimes pissed off Right Foot, an interview for Will Feral’s placement, and a deadline for the magazine next weekend.  “I’ve got my country’s 500^th anniversary to plan, my wife to murder, and Guilder to frame for it…”  My rough draft isn’t even finished because ½ way through the rough I changed tack and moved on to a new version of the old idea.  It wasn’t going to play the way I envisioned.  I’m never late on a deadline.  Never.  And yet…  here it’s the 6^th, and… nothing. 

C’est la vie.

My oldest daughter is signing up for classes for next school year, and wants to take French because I speak a miniscule amount of French and she thinks I will tutor her.  Miniscule is probably an over reach.  I read & write a bit more than I speak, and I read & write about 19 words & phrases.  Let’s recap a minute – she’s autistic and has a difficult time communicating in English.  I’m not 100% in favor of her taking a foreign language, and at the same time, I’m not 100% opposed.  You never know someone’s strengths until they try it.  Maybe a foreign language is her thing?  But if it’s not, we’re in for rough water ahead.

Speaking of slogging…

 

My return to running was celebrated a touch early.  I was up to running 4 days a week… and now I’m back to running 2 days a week.  I’m hopeful I can pull of 3 days a week next week but (dot dot dot).  Regardless, I am not comfortable running.  My plan for this spring was to come into training with a nice base of about 35 miles a week and then add speed to that base.  Now I’m just trying to survive 12 miles a week without pain, tingling or numbness.  I managed a tempo run last Sat at a solid pace, but no-where near where I was last Oct. 

Maybe weird isn’t the word for that last bit, but pissed off and frustrated is sort of over done at this point.

Agreements

My foot and I might need to reach some kind of temporary agreement.

Right now, while 4 days of running in a week has been AWESOME for my mental health, it hasn't resulted in a successful week for Right Foot.

Cycling is on the fence.  I can't tell if that hurts the Foot or not, and since the weather has been nice, Right Foot and I spent a little time with OC this week.

Right Foot is a fan of SLOGGING 4 days a week and running 1 day, but I really think Right Foot is in the wrong on this one.  Slogging all the time makes me go off the Deep End.

I think Right Foot and I need to come up with some kind of compromise.

Next week, which starts 2/6, Right Foot and I are going to try to split the difference.

Monday we've agreed to rest, with a "walk the dog" option midday.
Tuesday - Slog/Swim Brick
Wednesday - run
Thursday - Slog/Swim Brick
Friday - Slog/Swim or Row/Spin ~ maybe
Saturday - run
Sunday - Slog/Swim or Ride ~ again, maybe on the ride....

It's not ideal.  This is barely enough running to do much of anything.  I'm still hopeful I will be in condition to run the 10K at the end of March.

Right Foot and I have decided to defer our entry into our mid March Half Marathon, though I'm still planning on going, so if you're traveling in from ~say~ TN, I will still be there in VaBeach that weekend.

I'm trying not to be frustrated.  Nursing school is frustrating enough without being frustrated at my sport too.

Does this sound sane?  I don't even know at this point.........

Triathletes are HOT

A few weeks ago I was supposed to RSVP for...

let me start over.

Last week I was supposed to attend an RRRC Banquet.  I kind of wanted to go.

I have volunteered about 30 hours with the club in the last year.  I know 150 or more members off the top of my head.   The Out Going Prez is a close friend.  I should have gone.

And not only that, I write for the magazine.

There's a scene in When Harry Met Sally where Carrie Fisher unknowingly quotes the character played by Bruno Kirby back to himself.  It's a great moment where he says, "I wrote that!"  Well, I have had a very eerily similar thing happen to me.  So I thought, I might like to go to that RRRC event and rub elbows with the people who read the magazine I write for....  narcissistic?  maybe.

maybe.

Smoldering Laura, GBA gf, Tanny, & DeeR

Anyway, one thing lead to another, and I opted out of the RSVP.

One day I will tell you all about it.  But not today.

I was feeling a little sad actually.  Until my DeeR friend msg'd me and asked me to be her date at her Triathlete function the same night.

Fate stepped in, and I pretty much said, "HELLZ YEAH".

I had no dress, but no worries, because I belong to a group of women called, "sisterhood of the traveling dresses".  SpeeDee hooked me up, and I was off to the Richmond Tri Club Bash.

The evening started with a cocktail with SpeeDee & BOB, her awesome H at The Jefferson Hotel.  I love BOB.  He deserves a million kisses for his behavior on Saturday.  But they're going to have to come from SpeeDee, cos I don't kiss other people's H's, red shirt or not.

Then I went on and met DeeR at the dinner, which was hilarious because I walked around introducing myself all night as "DeeR's date, BRAD".

SpeeDee & g.
I love this photo.

I drank WAY too much wine, to the point where I got to hang out at the party a little longer than I intended while I let the alcohol burn off!

It's ok, I visited with the silent auction items & stuff.  I met a lot of people I spent the summer body marking and removing chips from, and you know what's funny?  Quite a few people remembered me from all that nonsense & giggling.

I had a wonderful evening.  So much that I got a lot of pressure from the Hot Triathletes to join them at a race this summer.  And I most certainly WILL be there...


Body Marking hot Triathletes is one of my favorite contact body sports.