Monday, August 13, 2012

Where's Waldo?

Do you all remember the X-Files?  Loved that show... I even had a key ring that my little brother gave me for Christmas that read:

Trust No One ~ Fox Mulder

No one, Fox?  No one at all?  Not your mother?  Your Father?  Your BFF Bart Yasso?  Your AP English Teacher?  Your Running Coach?  

Huh.  Serious Trust Issues there.  I wonder if Fox had MOJO issues too...

About a week ago I went out and ran 13.1 miles for my friend in honor of her brother.  I wasn’t even sure that I could cover the distance.  It’s not like I've been running that much.   I did it though.  Easily, in fact, when you compare it to the 14 miler I did a few days later.  Perspective, now you have it.

I didn’t know it then, but by the time I hit 8 miles of that 13.1, I was already on the path to finding my mojo.  And the answer came to me when I was rereading Mere’s blog post.  Where’s Waldo?

Oh, the Waldo I'm thinking of is probably 50 Shades of tied up in the red room of pain, also known as High School English class...

Self-trust is the first secret of success. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Emerson is really right. 
Yeah. 
Hard to accept that a dead guy knows more about running than I do.
But he does.

If you can’t trust yourself, who can you trust? 

I think a lot about trust these days.  I have a hard time with it.  Not in a romantic light.  No, this is much more personal than that.  Much more.

This is about my running.  

And here's what I realized.  At the same time I lost my running MOJO, I lost trust in the one person I always believed I could believe in.  So why have I suddenly lost faith in myself?

And it's not just me.  It seems to be a summer epidemic around here.  My friends have lost their MOJO's too.

We’ve looked around in some crazy places from Sports Backers MTT runs to 5Ks.  Even went looking in some mojitos, and all that seemed to provide was a temporary sense of Cuban rhythm that was completely unfounded. 

At first I thought maybe the loss of MOJO was spreading like negative energy...  and then I realized the common theme I’m hearing comes down to one word.

Trust.

My friends don’t trust they can run fast anymore.  And everytime I lace on my new Mizuno Wave Riders I don't believe I can either.  I'm sad when I look at my Garmin splits after almost every run.  I'm questioning my hunger, doubting that I should be eating *this much*, not trusting the voice in my head that tells me to eat more.  I'm doing all this training toward a race that I might not be prepared for because... well, I suck at triathlons.  I don't trust my GBA** Super Powers to get me to the finish line in the (goal time) that I want to finish it in.

Am I the worlds worst triathlete?
Am I going to finish?
Am I going to fail?
Am I training all these miles for nothing?
Am I over training?  Under training?
Am I, AM I?

And with every Am I question we collectively ask ourselves, we chip away at our core, peppering our self trust with pock marks and dents until it’s an unrecognizable lump that’s susceptible to rust and decay.

IF you don’t trust yourself, who will you trust?
No one.
And if Waldo is right, we must have self trust in order to succeed at any of this running nonsense.

Belief in ones self is the foundation for the belief in others.  

So let's just step back for a minute and identify what weapons we are using on ourselves this summer.  The Garmin, the Doubt, and any other ways that we lie to ourselves when we utter the words, "I suck".  Those are the weapons of MOJO mass destruction... so let's now determine how we can repair the damage.

And let's see how we can prevent a re-injury.

Because we don't suck.
I mean seriously.  We couldn't.
It's GBA** rule #2 subsection b.

~savor the run~

6 comments:

bobbi said...

YES! Belief in ourselves is key. And having other GBA runners believe in us doesn't hurt either.

You are gonna rock the hell out of that tri. Just sayin'.

Marnee said...

Okay I feel like you probably know this as you are way farther in the training and running thing then I, but it must be said...mostly because it was said to me and after I hmph-ed it away with a "not possible for me" attitude I realized my friend was correct.

So I will say, be careful you are not over training...sometimes our MOJO is not missing, it is tired...make sure the rest days are REST and keep up the food consumption. You are taxing your body a lot, it needs down time otherwise you may have an episode of explosion as I had Many O times!

You are an amazing athlete and I am so excited to see you ROCK this tri!!!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

I know my running mojo is lacking (not my streak mojo). I run every day but I'm not loving it like I did. Those past double days where I got a little taste of the run I love and couldn't wait for my evening run are few and far between. The legs and mind are tired. There is a list of things I blame it on. A long list. But I know it's all excuses. I need a solid routine. I need a successful ultra race. I need to focus on fitness again. I just hope that I soon change that word "need" to "will."

Meredith said...

Just read an old post last week and your post made me think of it again...

http://therapeuticrunningsofamom.blogspot.com/2011/07/excuses.html

Funny thing? Here I am in the same place as I was in this post. I haven't ran in a week, it's hot and it's 10:00. Finding my head thinking even 3 miles cannot be accomplished. Silly suck monkey :)

You are amazing and for the days when you question that, I know there are MANY who will be kind enough to reassure you of your awesomeness!

Love you G!!

carrie said...

Trust yourself and trust your training G! I know that you are GBA, you need to open your eyes and see it too!!!! Don't forget to ~savor~ while looking for your MOJO!!!!

Pam said...

"...and all that seemed to provide was a temporary sense of Cuban rhythm that was completely unfounded" had me laughing out loud.