Monday, April 29, 2013

An Open Letter to the Registered Dietician I wish I had the courage to hire

Dear Tina Shiver,

I am a coward.

Yep. Apparently this four time marathoner, half ironman finisher, and galactic badass is afraid to come see you.

Mostly, I am afraid of what you'll tell me I cannot have.

I know I ought to come see you. Your reputation is exceptional. Your references are amazing. I see hotness all around me, and many of them credit clean eating and your wisdom with their athletic prowess.

It's not that I want to be a stick figure. I just want to get my "fast" and "hot" back, and right now, that's going a bit slow because I have a coozie around my abs keeping them from being hot, and it's also heavy to carry around all the time.

For years I have been telling myself that I am a foodie. That I LOVE food. And that high quality fresh food is worth selling my soul for... or, if not my soul, then my abs. I haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant since... when... well, if we don't count Subway, probably it's been years. If we count subway, twice(?) in the last year. It's not like I'm out hitting the drive through every day at lunch time. I have no desire for processed meatlike substances pressed between refined white flour breadlike disks.

But as I look back over my past 6 months of life and food diary, I see repeating trends.

1) I don't eat as well as I think I do.
2) I sometimes know what I should do but choose not to.
3) If tortilla chips were a forbidden food I might be 14.7 lbs lighter than I am.
4) In my Food diary, Food really takes a back seat to Coffee. and Beer.

Apparently I am a lover of beverage.

I am not into bubbly soda though, no worries there. That stuff is disgusting and it hurts my stomach. Why have that when you can brew a pot of coffee, pour it into a container and serve it over ice with 2% milk? or drink it while it's so hot it stings the pads of my fingers through the ceramic mug? I like it with lots of coffee cream, light cream, soy cream, half and half, and half..... I might sprinkle a half a packet of splenda in it, but ever since I took those antibiotics this spring, splenda doesn't taste as good as it used too... not sure why that is... it's more about the Light than the Sweet.

Anyways, back on point.  I'm afraid to come see you because I'm not sure what my life would look like without coffee. and beer.

Would I look like this again?
Sept 2012

or would I become a crazy antisocial CAT bunny lady? (allergic to cats)

well, to be fair...

Beer isn't just social, it's social and delicious. It's a conversational opener. I know my beer. I know what I like, what I do not like, what I'd like to try and when it's best to just stick with a water because what's on tap is not going to work.

So, see, I don't have to have it, I just enjoy it. Does that make me bad? I've checked against my text books and I'm 80% sure that I am not an addict. I can stop any time I want to, I just don't want to.. wait, that's the definition of ... well, just take my word for it that my 3 - 4 adult beverages a week probably don't make me an addict, but I am worried that they might be making me a little fat...

So there you go.

I was GOING to make an appointment last spring when I heard about you through a guy pal who had a lot of success on your plan. Then I was going to make an appointment last fall when I was struggling to find my #mojo and starving ALL THE TIME. Then I was going to make an appointment with you this spring, but instead I got pneumonia and have been inundated with the drama of getting better... but here's the bad part about a major respiratory illness... Prednisone.

Yep. AND now it's coming into training season, and I need to lose 10% of my body weight to get back to racing weight. Also, my BMI is pretty grim right now. And my body fat % scale says I'm more fat than muscle.

I wonder if I dropped the weight if I could make it a whole season as an injury free athlete...?

So, wait... why I am I so afraid of making an appointment?
Am I really so afraid of being HOT again? 

gba gf


MCM Mama said...

I'm right there with you. Sigh.

(Just) Trying is for Little Girls said...

10%? Call her. Right now.

Marnee A said...

give her a call silly girl!! Eating clean is not scary, its great and I can't tell you how awesome I feel when I eat the way I am suppose to and the benefit?!?!?! The weight drops right off! C.A.L.L. H.E.R!!!

Michelle said...

Damn hot body! Damn food. Damn yummy beverages. I totally get it. I probably wouldn't call either. Seriously, I love working out, but I hate starving. I love eating and "mostly" I eat well...but I love that cookie now and then. Can't wait to see where this story heads!

carrie said...

You can do it! Call her!!!!

Running for Oreos said...

Doooooo it!!!! Call that woman! STAT!