Why Despair?... Why?

Once upon a time there was a curvy woman who lived in fear of Failure.  She wasn't beautiful, but she wasn't plain, falling instead into the category of women who are simply acceptable looking.  She usually wore her long hair pinned into submission, and on most occasions she considered that she was probably doing OK with herself in life.  The one thing she hated about herself though, despised without any pretense, was that she was cursed with an exceptionally tuned sense of smell.  And not matter what she did, she could not rid herself of the curse.

Failure, a big hairy monster lived so near by that she could smell his foul odor ever day, and the odor of his brother, Despair.  Now, to say Despair and Failure were never apart, would be a lie, but so often they were together that the curvy woman knew without a doubt that if she encountered Failure, Despair would be riding on his heels.  Failure was invisible, she could never see It, but she knew, It was right there, because she could smell It.

Failure ruled her life.  She never attempted anything she could not finish.

Then she met Running.

And as she grew to love Running, her fear of Failure was diminished.  Running put Failure to bed, so to speak, because she really could never encounter Failure, even if she had a rotten time out with Running. With her fears behind her, one could imagine that she lived happily ever after.

Unfortunately, that is really not the case.

Despair continues to haunt her.  She doesn't know why, but it follows her some days like a black cloud of putrid scent.  It settles over her bed at night and if she falls asleep, it cloaks itself in the dark, waiting for her to dream.  It sneaks into her mind during class, causing lack of focus.  Despair hovers on the edge of her vision, even when she is doing normal things, like checking the apples for soft spots under competent fingers that know how much pressure the produce should yield, and she can sometimes see it in her blind spot when she is changing lanes in the beige mini-van.

In her valiant attempts to fortify her defenses, she has learned only one thing that keeps Despair away for any length of time, and thank God, it's not OREO cookies.  (though she did try that for a bit)

She knows is that when she is with Running, Despair cannot keep pace, and within a few minutes she is able to escape his choking hold on her life.  So the question is, how can she keep Running with her all the time, even when she is sitting in class or driving to pre-school?

The B-Ridge & Why I'm going to die young

Let me introduce you to my B-Ridge.  She is a small person, with a HUGE personality trapped inside.  She cannot stand still.  Need proof?  

Here is the concentration she exerts when trying to remain still for a photograph.

painful to look at, eh?

But yesterday, while I was multitasking (aka - managing homework w/ 2 older kids, reading a trashy smut novel, talking with my mother on the phone while making dinner) my youngest walked silently out the back door, put on her bike helmet and rode her princess bike to her "breast frens" house.  Fortunately her friends house is 3 houses away, and the mom saw the whole thing go down... as well as me shooting out my back door like a rocket about 2 minutes later.

So we know a cat has 9 lives, right?  How many lives does a Mom get?  Because I have used 3 up on the B-Ridge already, and I just want to know about how many I have left.

Three Things Thursday

1)  My youngest child will be the death of me.

2)  I am the kind of person who, no matter how many times you tell her how, will never remember exactly what steps will unlock my home voicemail box.

3)  I had probably the best "just because I love to run" run today of my life.  Just went out for 4 miles, stayed out for 5, and probably could have run 1 more if time had allowed.  All negative splits.  Just because I can, not because I had to for training purposes.  Ah, ~bliss.

An Open Letter to Sleep

Dear Sleep,

I miss you, please come home.

When we're apart, I feel groggy, disoriented, and slow.  I struggle to think of words that would normally come zinging off the tip of my tongue, and I know it's because we are apart.  My spelling and grammar suffer, and my creativity fades into nothingness.  Further more, my attention span, already teetering on the edge of becomes... what was I saying?


Oh right:  Please, just reconsider your relocation to, well, wherever it is you've gone, and return to me.  I promise never to take you for granted again.

With love,
Neurotic Mom of 3

"6" Things Saturday

I missed wordless Wednesday.  And Then I missed 3 Things Thursday AND Five Things Friday.  How is this possible?  Have I become a BLOG LOSER?  Maybe.... but maybe, I have a good enough reason, so we'll just go about our business so you can decide.

6 THINGS Saturday, my week in review:
1) FAIL
2) COUGAR BAIT
3) Wanna Smoke some POT?
4) BOOTY KICKIN!
5) Awesome early RUN!
6) ALGEBRA & imaginary numbers

To be clear, family home, traveling, or not, Monday was without a doubt, the weirdest day in my life since 1999.  No, truly.

For starters I (slight throat clearning), um, failed a test. Yea, uh, it was a computer competence exam and now I have to retake it.  And if I fail it again, I have to take another college class to get out of school.  It kinda sucks, on many many levels.

Then, I was kinda pissed off/shocked to the core when I walked out of the building in my khaki shorts and pink v-neck t-shirt... so when the 18 ish looking wanna be rap star gave me the ole' head nod, I did not give him the "go to he**" look I normally reserve for smoking teenagers who give me the once over.  Maybe I didn't respond because, frankly, it's been a while since someone that age even looked in my direction.  I just sort of ignored it.  Which he apparently took as an invitation into my personal space because as I approached the door to enter the science building, he stepped in front of me and said, "So... are you a teacher here?"  "No." and THEN I gave him the, get out of my way look.  And his response was, "Yea, you- uh- want to teach me somethin'?"  What!  Really Dude?  I have been out of highschool as long as you've been alive.  Should I take it as a compliment that the piece of cougar bait thought I would make a good "teacher"?  Or, should I feel a little ill?

Then, as if Things weren't weird enough, I got invited back to (a person's) house to smoke some really great pot.

I've never smoked pot.  I'm asthmatic.  I'm a marathoner.  But, it was a really nice offer, so, Thanks again... but, no thanks.

After a late night studying, I got up first thing Tuesday, went for a run with T, and then I took my Nursing School Entrance Exams... and kicked BOOTY.  Did I mention, BOOTY KICKING???  Booty has been kicked.  I needed a 45 on reading & a 45 on math, I got an 86 on reading and an 86 on math.  ((And I was awarded a stiletto award - that's going to have to be dealt with tomorrow or Monday)).  And at some point that day I got a call from H.  The Beige Mini-Van was in the shop in MA.  They were staying an extra day.

 By Wednesday morning I had successfully read 2 books for pleasure, and studied Algebra for 6 hours.  And I felt prepared so I took my Math Exit Exam, and while I didn't KICK BOOTY by definition, I did successfully execute the exit of Math.  So, yay for that.  Math is done.  But, just a little gripe here, I would have scored higher on that test if I had reviewed imaginary numbers.  Just sayin'.

By Thursday - I realized that I was really lonely for my family.  As therapy I took another early morning run with T.  And then I took stock of what my life would be like without a family and here's where things stand:

• there is no place in the "single" world for a crock pot the size of mine.
• I'm a pretty clean person, except not about my laundry.  I like a clean house, but don't care if the hampers is piled 4 miles high.  I did do all my running laundry though, and did you know I have 10 running skirts?  Really.  10.  When did THAT happen?
• I don't have a problem sticking to my diet when living in a completely non-stress environment. (I often wonder that, I am the freak who has no problem losing weight on vacation)
• Ah, reading for pleasure, I remember you!  How I've missed you & our time together!
• I don't know how to make coffee for ONE. Do you need some coffee? C'mon over, the pot is probably half full...
• I love to cook, normally. However, I apparently only love to cook for an audience, as demonstrated by my lack of cooking in the past 5 days. Most of the time I can only be bothered to toss fruit and veggies into my blender with some ice for consumption through a straw.
• Apparently my meat aversion is genuine, and I really don't care for meat.  The entire time my family was gone I had 2 servings of meat and 1 serving of fish.  And never felt deprived.
• On the drive to the grocery store I discovered that playing the punch-buggy game in the car is not any fun when you're alone.
• I cannot sleep past 6:10am and enjoyed the luxury of getting up to run in the mornings without the stress of worrying about getting everybody up, ready, and out the door.

All things said, my family is home safe now, and I'm glad to have them back.  Hope everyone had a great week, and I'll be back with some random humor soon enough.  

Really though, how am I going to top cougar bait and pot smoking?

lookin' for love

SPB* seeks SF for companionship, possibly more. Enjoys long hilly bike rides and hanging out with friends on weekends. Call me so we can see if we're a match!  (*single pink bike) 

Today, after a very LONG 7 mile run with TMB *and by long, I mean closer to 8 miles, I decided to toss PINK in the JEEP and go for a ride.  A bike ride, not a car ride.  

Pink and I met friends for a double date (SpeeDee & Trina)/"blind date" (Arty & petunia). They're both IRON WOMEN in training... I started to call them Half IRON WOMEN, but they pointed out that they're in training. And sometimes the goal toward the future is more important than the accomplishments of the past. So we'll call them IronWomen.

and to be clear

THEY CAN RIDE CIRCLES AROUND ME AND MY PINK SCHWINN

But, also to be clear, here I am riding circles on my Pink Schwinn. Pink and I had a great ride. Albeit, a slow a** ride where I was pushing for all I had just to keep them in my sights... but a ride, none the less.

 Imagine, for an analogy, that you've run about 5 times, and a BQ runner invites you to join them on a training run... and you're dumb enough to say yes. SpeeDee as such a good sport about riding back or slowing down so she could still shout instructions aaaaaaaaaall the way back where I would hear here. "Stay to the Left here, we're turning"... but the whole time I'm riding, I'm watching her make it look SOOOOOOO easy.  And. It. Was. Not. Easy.

Every now and then my struggles were punctuated by Arty & Petunia searing by us at what appeared to be light speed. Really, she looked super strong, and I felt super weak.  And here's a little amusing tidbit.  I've been reading this really hilarious blog called The Reluctant Triathlete for, well, I don't know.... a year?  Yea, probably a year.  And I JUST REALIZED NOW that THAT is why Arty looked SO FAMILIAR.  So, I've gone back a changed her name to Arty, to reflect her Blogness Identity.  (RT = Reluctant Triathlete = Arty).  Be Flattered Arty, not everyone gets a "cool bloggy name" here at NofSahm.

 But enough rambings about me & Pink... Thanks to the ladies & their wicked cool road bikes for letting me tag along! And now that I know where the super secret meeting spot is, I know how to stalk you join you in the future!

Easter Sunday

Because the Catholics & Episcopals have invented the most awesome thing called Saturday Church, I ... have the day off today.

so, i slept in. till 6am. because, i am apparently hard-wired to wake up at 6am. UHG! Then I came downstairs and realized that the house is exactly the way I left it yesterday. There are no new dishes in the sink, on the coffee table, and no clothes/toys/books strewn about the floor.

And now, I'm going for a run with TMB. (who wrote the most beautiful post up about her wedding, you should go look at it on racingwithbabes)

AND then, after my 7 miles, I'm going for a ride. With PINK. And EVEN BETTER than attempting a ride with PINK alone, we have a DOUBLE DATE with BitsNpiecesofme & her bike, Trina, AS well as her training partner & her bike, Petunia.

I think it's hilarious that everyone names their bikes. I had no idea when I assigned the name PINK to my bike that it would stick. If I'd known PINK was going to end up with a name, I might have named her something better. I always hated it when I knew someone growing up who was given a brown puppy and they named the puppy Brownie.

It's going to be an AWESOME DAY!!! Because when I get home from my ride... the house is STILL GOING TO BE in the same condition!!!