Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why Despair?... Why?

Once upon a time there was a curvy woman who lived in fear of Failure.  She wasn't beautiful, but she wasn't plain, falling instead into the category of women who are simply acceptable looking.  She usually wore her long hair pinned into submission, and on most occasions she considered that she was probably doing OK with herself in life.  The one thing she hated about herself though, despised without any pretense, was that she was cursed with an exceptionally tuned sense of smell.  And not matter what she did, she could not rid herself of the curse.

Failure, a big hairy monster lived so near by that she could smell his foul odor ever day, and the odor of his brother, Despair.  Now, to say Despair and Failure were never apart, would be a lie, but so often they were together that the curvy woman knew without a doubt that if she encountered Failure, Despair would be riding on his heels.  Failure was invisible, she could never see It, but she knew, It was right there, because she could smell It.

Failure ruled her life.  She never attempted anything she could not finish.

Then she met Running.

And as she grew to love Running, her fear of Failure was diminished.  Running put Failure to bed, so to speak, because she really could never encounter Failure, even if she had a rotten time out with Running. With her fears behind her, one could imagine that she lived happily ever after.

Unfortunately, that is really not the case.

Despair continues to haunt her.  She doesn't know why, but it follows her some days like a black cloud of putrid scent.  It settles over her bed at night and if she falls asleep, it cloaks itself in the dark, waiting for her to dream.  It sneaks into her mind during class, causing lack of focus.  Despair hovers on the edge of her vision, even when she is doing normal things, like checking the apples for soft spots under competent fingers that know how much pressure the produce should yield, and she can sometimes see it in her blind spot when she is changing lanes in the beige mini-van.

In her valiant attempts to fortify her defenses, she has learned only one thing that keeps Despair away for any length of time, and thank God, it's not OREO cookies.  (though she did try that for a bit)

She knows is that when she is with Running, Despair cannot keep pace, and within a few minutes she is able to escape his choking hold on her life.  So the question is, how can she keep Running with her all the time, even when she is sitting in class or driving to pre-school?


MCM Mama said...

Wish I had advice, but I totally get where you are coming from. Totally.

S Club Mama said...

I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom, but I think we're all in that place of trying to balance everything. It's hard for women today {it's always been hard for women} but you can do it. Women have other innate things following them around - success, drive, ambition, love, patience. Sometimes we need to attribute some of these to ourselves instead of just our kids or husband.