I wasn't struck down with the Post Marathon Blues this year.
In truth I think I was so devastated by how the race went that my depression started at mile 17.5 of the race, and had a chance to fully burn off by about 3 days after. That's not to say that I am not still a little sad about how things turned out... but on the other hand, how could I possibly be sad about the marathon? It was a beautiful day, 100 of my friends ran it, the people I love finished strong and all are healthy & whole.
I ran alone today. It was ~savor~.
But it wasn't easy. I didn't bother looking at my watch, I just ran. in the dark. I was meeting some friends about 45 minutes into my run, and I contemplated cutting my mileage short to make sure I had time to get there. Instead I just picked up the pace.
If I cut the mileage, I would have known. It would have bugged me all day. I *should've* run the rest would play in my brain. And then there would be guilt. Ah, guilt. How I loathe thee. What runner doesn't suffer from some kind of guilt now and again?
Of course, we've all heard of the runner blogger who skims a few miles off her marathon ever year. I don't really know why she does it. It makes me sad because in all truth, she's a lovely girl. Super nice, and full of the qualities we all enjoy in a friend. The last time I saw her though, I thought she looked a little guilt ridden. Her eyes looked haunted, and she seemed fake.
I wish I'd had the guts to pull her aside and say, we like you. You're a great girl. You're too fabulous for words and not because you raise money for (insert charity here), but because you are fun, and funny, and deep down inside I know you have a good heart. You're going to be a success at whatever you do... so if you don't want to run the whole 26.2 miles, then don't. But don't register for it either.
I wish I'd said that because I know what it's like to pine for a short cut so you can get your goal. Oh, I admit - I thought about it. I know Richmond like the back of my hand. At any point I could have made a turn, a cut, a loop, and boom - I could have "run" a brag worthy marathon time. I would have surely done a sub 4. Hell, probably could've eked out a BQ in all that.
Of course I didn't do that.
Not because someone might have seen me and asked. Because that's so unimportant. I would have known. I would have seen me. And at the end of the day, I am the only one who matters to me. My 4:26:and change isn't brag worthy, but I own that time. I have to, it's mine.
And maybe that's where my redemption for Richmond marathon will be found too.