Short Cuts

I wasn't struck down with the Post Marathon Blues this year.

In truth I think I was so devastated by how the race went that my depression started at mile 17.5 of the race, and had a chance to fully burn off by about 3 days after.  That's not to say that I am not still a little sad about how things turned out... but on the other hand, how could I possibly be sad about the marathon?  It was a beautiful day, 100 of my friends ran it, the people I love finished strong and all are healthy & whole.

I ran alone today.  It was ~savor~.

But it wasn't easy.  I didn't bother looking at my watch, I just ran.  in the dark.  I was meeting some friends about 45 minutes into my run, and I contemplated cutting my mileage short to make sure I had time to get there.  Instead I just picked up the pace.

If I cut the mileage, I would have known.  It would have bugged me all day.  I *should've* run the rest would play in my brain.  And then there would be guilt.  Ah, guilt.  How I loathe thee.  What runner doesn't suffer from some kind of guilt now and again?

Of course, we've all heard of the runner blogger who skims a few miles off her marathon ever year.  I don't really know why she does it.  It makes me sad because in all truth, she's a lovely girl.  Super nice, and full of the qualities we all enjoy in a friend.  The last time I saw her though, I thought she looked a little guilt ridden. Her eyes looked haunted, and she seemed fake.

I wish I'd had the guts to pull her aside and say, we like you.  You're a great girl.  You're too fabulous for words and not because you raise money for (insert charity here), but because you are fun, and funny, and deep down inside I know you have a good heart.  You're going to be a success at whatever you do...  so if you don't want to run the whole 26.2 miles, then don't.  But don't register for it either.

I wish I'd said that because I know what it's like to pine for a short cut so you can get your goal.  Oh, I admit - I thought about it.  I know Richmond like the back of my hand.  At any point I could have made a turn, a cut, a loop, and boom - I could have "run" a brag worthy marathon time.  I would have surely done a sub 4.  Hell, probably could've eked out a BQ in all that.

Of course I didn't do that.

Not because someone might have seen me and asked.  Because that's so unimportant.  I would have known.  I would have seen me.  And at the end of the day, I am the only one who matters to me.  My 4:26:and change isn't brag worthy, but I own that time.  I have to, it's mine.

And maybe that's where my redemption for Richmond marathon will be found too.

Ownership.