a neurotic mom realization

I don't even recongize myself anymore.

It's absolutely true. I was talking to my 4th grader about what life was like for me in the 4th grade. I remember watching the NASA space shuttle launches in class (my teacher standing up with a horrified expression before blurting out - "Oh My God - The Challenger Blew UP!"), my best friends were really pretty girls named Kathleen and Casey, I wore my hair short - always, I wore a lot of dresses and I owned no Blue Jeans. I hated PE and running in general, I watched a lot of TV.

I LOATHED running with a deep seated passion that burned as brightly as 1000 suns. I hated being the slowest, so I would just quit. Nice little mental picture there, huh? I don't know what I wanted to be when I grew up, probably a horse race jockey or an actress, or both, but certainly not a 30 X year old chemistry student.

What struck me funny though, was that my daughter, C, wanted to know what I looked like, and my answer was that I always wore my hair short.

Looking back, I realize I've always had short hair, except for once in 10th grade when I let it grow all summer before shaving part of it and getting a very cropped blunt cut by 11th grade. Yup, "shaved my head" is not on my bucket list because I've already done it. I was under the impression that long hair made me look fat. I actually consider that it might have been my fat that made me look fat, but, when you're in HighSchool you never want to imagine that might be the issue - thus, the short hair.

I had short hair when I met my H, I had short hair when I had my kids, in fact, I wore my hair in pretty much the same style as Meg Ryan for years. Imagine my shock and horror on the day I woke up to a news interview with Meg and her blond extensions that reached her waist. I had short hair because I was fat. Meg didn't have to do that... rough pill to swallow.

So, I was getting dressed yesterday to take C to dance and I put on my skinny jeans, a brown camisol, some low heels, and a looooooong sweater jacket, and when I brushed my hair, I realized how really REALLY long it's gotten. Looking in the mirror, I had a moment where I wanted to ask that woman what she was doing in my house. With long hair, skinny jeans and a cami on I look like someone completely different than the mental projection of myself. What an odd feeling to be having at my "advanced" age. Sure, in 4th grade, it is OK to think these things, but by 3X years, surely I should know what I look like.