Wednesday, January 25, 2012

An Open Letter to Depression

Dear Depression,

I'm running again, so get lost already.

Oh don't think I didn't recognize you.  I have seen you before.  I felt you before I could see you.  I felt you before you even got out of bed this morning.  

I don't care that you think sleeping is optional during the night time hours.  That's when runners sleep.  I don't desire to examine any aspect of my life between 1am - 4am.  You are a sick b*tch if you're into that.

When my alarm goes off at 4:30, don't even consider hitting the snooze button.  I'm a runner, and a student, and a mom.  This is my one shot to get my sweat on and I am getting up to run or swim, even if you tell me not to.

Napping isn't congruent with my lifestyle either, so the inescapable weariness you're ladling onto me midday is not going to cut it.  I will keep shaking it off, I will refuse to crawl into my toasty warm bed until a respectably late hour after the sun has set.

The aching lump that chokes me, the one that can't be washed down by water, tea, or hot coffee is just going to be ignored.  So is the unquenchable thirst, the sour taste, and the tightness in the back of my jaw.

Fighting you is making me tired, but I will win.  You've celebrated your little "victory" too soon.  Sorry but your a** is going down.

Go suck it.  I don't have time for you.

I'm a runner.



Michele said...

I love this! Keep re-reading it if necessary. I struggle with some depression too and it just makes me so mad that I give in to those things sometimes. You control how you feel and it sounds like you know how to squash those horrible things that can keep some people down. Best of luck to you!!

fancy nancy said...

This post has made me realize that I am not alone! This post has described what I have been feeling the past few months! Thank you for this and showing me that not only am I not alone but I can and will overcome it!

MCM Mama said...

{{{HUGS}}} This beeyotch has been dogging me lately too. She needs to be beaten!

Hope the running pulls you back where you needto be.

bobbi said...

You are stronger than it. You will come out victorious.

This is a struggle for me every January...

(my captcha is "thriv" and we will!)

carrie said...


Ewa said...

Could I borrow your letter? Say, yes, or I will have to steal it.
I totally understand where you are coming from.

Jen said...


And I wrote a similar one last night!

Jessica (Pace of Me) said...

seriously, G, you are one incredibly talented writer. thank you.
i have had several bouts of depression in my life - so i understand these feelings all too well. good for you for being a fighter and kicking its a** to the curb!!!! xxxooo

Anonymous said...

Cross-training gets old when you really want to run, doesn't it? I hear ya. This too shall pass, though. The running will pull you out again. :) Patience.

Char said...

We all know running will make it better. Doesn't have to be far or fast (and it won't be if you've been injured). Just the simple act of one foot in front of the other will help to leave it behind.

Pam said...

YEAH baby!

About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with depression. Although I haven't been on daily meds for several years now, I can feel that darkness trying to come over me at times. At least now I can recognize it for what it is and fight back.

Marie said...

OMG, Thank you for this post! Made me feel that I am not alone. Can we get a runner support group to deal with this? <3

monicac2 said...

Great post - and I can relate! I might complain about dragging myself out of bed for runs, but without them, I start sinking ... fast!

trifitmom said...

you tell that bitch