Saturday, January 22, 2011

piece of mind

My oldest daughter appears to have a developmental issue.  It's unclear exactly what that is, but there are all kind of scary words flying around the air these days.  I first heard the words in November, heard them again in December, and now, it's January, and I'm hearing them again.

It's complicated.  We've been struggling for years with various people to figure it all out.  Like the pieces of a giant puzzle, nothing really made sense, but as things are coming together... yea, anyway.  I don't want to tell you all what it is, because there are still $10,000 worth of tests waiting to be run.  Right now though, I think I'm officially allowed to say the following:

I'm g., I'm the mother of a special needs child.

I hate...

I am not a fan...


I'm conflicted because....

There are lots of women who wear that badge with HONOR and PRIDE.  I'm just not ready to be do that yet.

I felt some stirrings of peace in my soul though, as I remembered something last week.  Something SO obvious and yet so abstract.  Despite the fact that my C is 1 step away from being labeled with a crappy label that will likely change the outcome of her educational life,


she is still the same child, label or not.

And that is what I remembered.

The label doesn't change who she is today, who she was yesterday, or who she will be tomorrow.

She is C, the daughter of a mother of a special needs child.

14 comments:

Holly said...

I also have a special needs child. my youngest was born with a genetic metabolic disorder that was diagnosed through blood tests at 2 days old. Our first daughter had no such issue so it was complete surprise. When the doctors first told us it was devastating. They throw around words like mental retardation and special diet and it is oh so scary and overwhelming at the time. Over the past 2 years our shifting has adjusted to the fact that she has special medical formula and has to be on a special diet that we have to control and keep track of, and that it's really not that bad. In the past I have had to remind myself that she doesn't have cancer or some other life-threatening illness that would take her away from us. Chin up, while it is hard to deal with at first it will hopefully gets easier as time goes on. We aren't given anything that we aren't able to handle.

Pam said...

G, I know I don't know you personally, but just from what I've seen of this blog, I know that you are one strong chick who excels at everything she does. You're an awesome student, an awesome athlete, and I have no doubt you will be an awesome mom of a special-needs child.

I can completely understand why that's not a hat you want to wear yet. No one ever imagines that kind of thing for themselves or their kids, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to accept.

Just know I'll be thinking about and praying for you and your family.

P said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. You are such an amazing mom. Hugs to you as you figure your way through this new parenting frontier.

Chele said...

I hope things go OK for her and for you. As someone who grew up with dyscalculia, dyslexia and a few other learning issues to graduate w/ honors (did pretty well in college too until I thought getting married would be more fun) I think I did fairly well for myself despite what others said would happen

bobbi said...

I hear EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. you wrote here.

I am Bobbi, the mother of a special needs child. I've yet to come to terms with that. It changes nothing and everything all at once.

Here's hoping we both figure out just how to integrate that new info into our lives...

longlegsontheloose.com said...

and she's perfect either way! I have had God knows how many labels in my lifetime but ultimately I had to realize that I didn't change just because they added another label to my life. and here I am in college with a 3.9 gpa. it is hard. really hard. but C will create her own label!

Julie said...

I love your conclusion. She has not changed. Not a bit. Now you will just be able to help her better.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

All children have special needs. She is special and she had needs, just like all kids. I'm not into labels either. Glad to see you came to a healthy conclusion. I'll be praying for broad shoulders, a strong back and a peaceful mind for you.

Anne said...

Always remember that no one knows her like you do...you are her strongest advocate. You are an amazing woman and I know that you will take this on and help her shine! Big hug ((()))

Alex said...

hugs!

Heather -Momma Running Amok said...

I am right there with you! Ever since the doctor told us last Thursday the news about Googles I am kinda numb. Our SI therapist was shocked at how I was handling it all as I was not and am not in denial. For me it was nice to finally get an answer as we knew Googs was delayed in all but fine and large motor skills but we were still in the dark. So, now we move forward as you will. Each day is a new day and the there may be a long road ahead but you just need to tackle one hill at a time and try no to get overwhelmed....how was the race??? how is the Fankle? Update PLEASE!

MCM Mama said...

(((HUGS))) It's hard to get used to the idea that there's a label that fits your child, but sometimes that label opens up doors that provide just what your child needs.

And, as you said, it doesn't change who she is.

Kristin @NyceLife said...

My middle child, Thomas has Down syndrome, so I am pretty down with the mom of a kid with Special needs thing. I suppose I have known since birth so it makes it "easier" but not sure if that's true. Anyway, she's still your daughter, you're still her mama, as you said. Labels will sometimes be helpful, as much as I don't like them. Help in school, etc. Advocate for her and just continue to mother her :)

Julie D. said...

I'm sorry--it just sucks. I think you've got this 'mom of special needs child' thing figured out already...you are honest with where you are at right this second, in it's 'crappiness' and all. I'm sure your feelings and emotions over it all with change by the day...but the fact that you can look it in the face with honest emotion and truth that a 'label' does not change her one bit is going to get you through the long haul. Hugs.