Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Self Obsessed?

I'm having a rough time lately. I'm not eating well, not that I'm not eating ENOUGH, but what I'm eating is carp. It started a few weeks ago when I "gave myself permission" to fall of the wagon for a few days, because I was a little depressed, and now I'm a mess. I feel disgusting. My body was not made to eat processed white flour, tacos, refined sugar and other nonsense for any length of time. I think I'm going to take a few days to cleanse my body with organic, natural and lightly processed foods. And, I think I might need to LAY OFF THE BREADS for a few days. Good grief. I am writing this here because I wanted to get some accountability, so... sorry for the not funny neurotic ramblings today.

Next thing is that yesterday I went on a POOL HUNT. And I found the perfect indoor pool. I did. Its awesome. Swim lessons for the B, and a lap lane for me, AND a place for B to hang out on non-swimming lesson days... but it's attached to a huge and expensive gym. I'm afraid that the hardship of paying for the membership will be, uh, hard. The PRO is that it's within running distance of my house. I run by it ALL THE TIME and it's open 24 hours a day. I could actually go on my way home from class late at night.

That's not the only pool I found, but the second one is not as perfect, though it is slightly less expensive. The pool is just as nice, but it's about 20 minutes from my house. With the rising cost of fuel, and the premium cost of "time", I wonder if I'll use it. I still have ONE more option to check out, but I hope to be swimming by next Monday.

And finally, I've received the Gorgeous Blogger Award.
Thanks to Anne from Asthma and the Gift of Running for this award. Anne is wonderful, and I truly hope she knows it. She inspires me to continue when I hate how my lungs feel, because I know that if she can do this, I can too. She also has a knack for dropping by and saying "just the right thing". Thank You.
How cute is that?

And I'm suposed to tell you 6 things about myself... that I haven't already told you. That's rough. I feel like I've covered a lot of ground, but, here goes anyway.

1) The name of my blog comes from a book project that I've been working on for the past few years. I write, I set it aside, and I write some more, I change things. It's never going to be published, but it's a good outlet for me and sometimes I'm able to see things about myself. In my NofSahm project the mother is a stay at home mom who fears she's losing her identity, and feels that she needs to take drastic action in order to find herself. Instead of an affair, she decides to take up running. I say, "instead of an affair" because in every movie you will ever see with a neurotic mother, they always seem very anxious to cheat, and I truly think that a neurotic stay at home mom would be more body conscious than that. No really. 99% of my GF's would cringe at the idea of another man seeing her naked.

2) I am not as self obsessed as I seem, and sometimes I really shock people with something insightful. It's a little insulting actually, when someone notices that and acts surprised. I like to joke that I'm listening while I'm talking.

3) My running hiatus has really hurt me emotionally, mentally, physically - and while I cannot wait to get back to it, I worry that it will be like going back to an old boyfriend. You know the one I mean, right? It seemed great when you were together, he hurt you, you go away from him, can't find anyone better, so you go back and... he hurts you again. I'm trying really hard to get involved in a little love triangle now with Me, Running and Cross Training. I'll let you know.

4) This blog is not supposed to be a fitness or weight tracking blog. It's supposed to chronicle my life as a Diary would... but the problem with an online diary is that you can't always write what you're thinking, because you don't want (someone) to read it. Someone changes all the time, sometimes it's H, sometimes it's my Mom, sometimes it's friends. Regardless... or is that Irregardless?

5) I used to have better grammar. I never would have guessed that Grammar was a "Use It or Lose It" thing, but it is. <--- See look at that nasty grammar!!!

6) I was once "Stalked" by a bad man. Even though it was about 15 years ago, I can still remember the feeling of helplessness and terror that overcame me when he cornered me once. It makes me a little leery about posting too many details in this blog about where I'm going and where I've been. But at the same time, I would LOVE to meet some of these amazing women who I've encountered in my Bloggy Travels. Sometimes I feel like I have been to around the world reading these blogs, and then I wish I could invite everyone to ME! So. If I seem to reach out and draw back, it's because I'm trying to find a "happy place".

I would like to give this award to the following blogs, in the hopes that they've not received it in the 4 hours it took me to write this between breakfast and now!

TMB at - because she's hilarious inspirational
SpeeDee at - because she's beautiful inspirational
FC at - because she's amusing inspirational
JEN at - because she's awesome inspirational
MCM mama at - because she's just plain old inspirational

Again, thanks Anne.


Jen said...

Your sweet! And I would love to read your book.... sounds so cool.

Of course the women in the books/movies always have great bodies, which is why cheating is an option.

Make this blog whatever you want it to be. I ramble all of the time in mine and use bad grammer. The more you open up the more we understand YOU! Thanks for letting us "know" you!

wannabewriterrunner said...

Aww I certainly have days (and weeks) of feeling crappy. If you really want to do a cleanse I've done the Blueprint a few times and it's always a good kick-start.

MCM Mama said...

Thanks for the award!

I hear you on the "how open should I be" aspect of blogging. I have met up with a fair number of online friends, but it's always been after moving from some sort of forum/blog relationship to email or facebook before meeting up.

毛衣 said...
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